The family thing... the holiday thing...

Must be the holidays...

Because family issues are bubbling to the surface for some folks.

And I'm here to tell you, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

(At least in the past, you weren't alone. I was right there with ya).

Things have change a whole lot since then. (Thank God). But I can't tell you how many Xmases I wanted to spend either working or with my head in the sand (or my hand around a bottle of Jack Daniels) because stress levels were going to shoot higher than dropping a 25 lb turkey into a vat of gravy.

It was always just a matter of time.

The closer we got to the big day, the greater the barometric pressure rose. It usually resulted in some nasty thing or other happening to me. To make matters worse, Xmas happens to land on my birthday.

Yep. Me and the big JC are like twins.

Double whammy.

But no matter. life is good now. Yet, old habits and old fears can be a bitch to break.

I'll never forget the first 'normal' Xmas we had. Me and the boys were now on our own and had been invited to my son's girlfriend's house for a drink. We sat around, having polite conversation amid decorations and presents and most of all, a civility that was foreign to us coming from an abusive household.

When it was over and we were driving home, son #2 turned to me and said:

"That was really weird."

I said,"It was nice wasn't it?"

He said, "That's what I mean, it was really weird. I can't handle it."

I said, "We're going to have to retrain ourselves on what it feels like to be normal. This was good for us. Yeah, it was weird. But remember, it's not suppose to be. It's just weird to us, because we're used to being terrorized."

He said, "I don't want to do it again".

And the other two boys chimed in: "Same here. I'm not doing that again".

It has taken us almost fourteen years to start feeling the least bit normal. And we still have that initial knee-jerk reaction to Xmas.

And this year, when I caught myself falling into the old pattern based on a past that no longer exists, I decided to put the humbug away and decorate my place with vim and vigor while listening to Xmas tunes non-stop.

And you know what? It worked.

By the end of the day, I was feeling positively stellar.

Because there is no past, except in our memories. All we have is the NOW. It's all we ever have. And it's the only place where we can make a difference regarding what happened to us and change our destiny - the very course and quality of our lives - for BETTER.

We all deserve to be loved, to be safe, to just "be". It's an unconditional benefit, an entitlement to being human.

You don't have to earn it. It's a God-given right.

All you need is a little courage. So choose wisely. And choose now.

This post is for the lovely person who had the courage to send in a comment beneath the post "Dealing with mother issues"...

Have yourself a very Merry Xmas.

And do it your way.:)