Rituals are the cornerstone of our civilization.
And what's more, we are surrounded by evidence of ritualistic functions all around us. They appear constantly in our day-to-day lives and their importance cannot be overstated.
Whether we are aware of them or not however, is another matter. We partake in most rituals because it's a social expectation.
In other words, we do it, because that's what people do.
We all know the big ones - birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, funerals...
These 'official' proceedings mark beginnings, endings, and offer signposts when dates pertaining to other memories fail us - a practicality more valuable with each passing year.
Unrelated events surrounding the date of someone's birth, death, marriage or even divorce are remembered with greater clarity because of them.
They're like the markers of our lives.
But those are just some of the ones that denote us as a civilized species.
There are other rituals that bind us even closer and serve a multitude of functions from acknowledging our interdependence to expressing milestones of personal growth.
These rituals are void of pomp and circumstance yet are no less vital in the grand scheme of things...like;
Going for coffee.
Funny as it sounds, I learned this from a brilliant English prof I once had. And to prove his point, he simply said:
"Think about it. Nobody says, 'Do you want to go for a soft drink?', they say, 'Let's go for coffee' because it's one of our rituals. It doesn't matter if you go for beer or if one of you has tea instead. That's not the point."
Suddenly, I knew what he meant. And it was one of the most significant learning experiences of my life.
In that moment, I realized the true significance of rituals and their importance in our society.
I understood that rituals are a collective standard by which we connect with one another. It means far more than its outer shell reveals.
For instance,'Going for coffee' really means:
'Let's catch up', 'I want to talk with you', 'I need to see you', 'I miss you' and 'I care'...
ie: 'Let's connect.'
Our lives are filled with these.
We have 'movie night', 'date night' - specific times we set aside regularly for doing things with certain people that give our lives meaning, yet don't actually have any impact on our careers or finances.
But they impact us on a personal one.
And then there are things we do, just for us...
These rituals are all about us honoring the relationship we have with ourselves - and perhaps even the Universe...
When we have a birthday, or graduate from a course we might get a haircut or a 'new look' to mark the beginning of a new era. Why not stay with an old look? Or wear that gorgeous dress we already own?
Because we honor the new. We are making a statement with our choices about where we've come from and where we're going.
And sometimes it works both ways - to mark the good things, and to put the past behind us.
We'll get a new look after we've dealt with a bad break-up as a sign that we are ready to begin anew...
We get new shoes for a hot date (or to forget the old one), find a new outfit for that important party (where someone we want will be there or perhaps someone we don't want to see), get a manicure, or buy a new shade of lipstick.
When we decide to quit smoking or join a gym, we don't do it randomly.
We pick a date, mark the upcoming event and count down the days.
Who quits smoking on a Friday?
Nobody.
Chances are, they picked a more significant date like:
... the first of January... at the beginning of next month... on my birthday... as soon as the holidays are over... when I'm finished this project... after my last exam... or even... on Monday - the start of the week...
Whether we are aware of it or not, we turn the things that mean something to us into a ritual.
Today, I cut my hair and colored it. Normally I would have done it in time for my birthday but I was too sick to bother. And I did it myself... as I always do.
It's part of my ritual...
But for all the rituals we participate in - every single one of us - we often neglect the introspective ones that count the most.
While we're busy with our new looks, our obsession with dates, and our long-term plans, sometimes, we forget that our own birthdays and the end of each year are also a time for personal reflection... one done without the fanfare of cakes and candles, parties and alcohol...
(Not that I'm against a good party or consuming alcohol)
All I'm saying is it's important to implement personal rituals that are specifically designed to help us grow in awareness of who we are.
And that means formally acknowledging where we've been, where we are, and where we want to go in life...
and next time, I'll share what it is I did for twenty minutes on my birthday and what I plan to do on New Year's Eve.
And just remember, there are no rules...
It's whatever floats your boat...
