As per usual, much of what I've surmised about the nature of love stems from what what I think it isn't.
Goodbye to crack addictions, Rene Descartes and looking for Mr. Goodbar.
I know what you’re thinking.
You think this entry is going to be about saying good bye to a drug addiction. Could it be... cocaine? Crack? Meth? Well, I've never been a drug user. Besides, the only mildly interesting drug addiction stories come from the rich n' famous like self-admitted former meth user Andre Aggasi. (And even then...).
I am however, going to talk about being addicted to love. (Sing it to me Robert Palmer).
Well, it’s not so much love (or maybe it is, I don’t know), but meeting someone that does something to your senses.
You know: your sense of well being, your sense of logic, your sense of what comprises sanity and yes... even your sense of yourself. That’s a lot of sense for something that rarely makes a whole lot of sense.
Someone that says all the right things, looks at you just the right way, smells like you imagine they should smell... and when they’re near you, the world around just melts away and you’re both just standing there on an island called, It’s all about us, it’s always been about us, and it will always BE about us.
And the worse part? All you want to do is touch them. Just a little bit. Like, put your pinky on their clavicle or something. Place the tip of your nose one inch from the nape of their neck. Feel the crook of their elbow. Stare at their lips from really close up for no reason at all.
Oh yeah. It’s not just men who get like this. No siree. It’s women too.
Guys call it chemistry. A woman however, will say they’ve just “rekindled a past life connection” because to them nothing is ‘just chemistry’.
Actually to them, nothing is simple or easy. If it doesn’t have romance attached to it, they come up with another explanation.
Sometimes I think that’s the main difference between our sexes. Guys feel it too, but women, turn it into a made-for-tv mini-series.
I think a guy feels ‘chemistry’ with a lot of women. Women do too, but for the most part, most men analyze it differently. Or perhaps not at all. Men accept it for what it is - chemistry. In a way, I envy that.
Women want an explanation.
A woman will question it to death. Like when she meets a guy she hardly knows but trusts her instincts that he's no good for her. Then after she tells him "it’s just not gonna work", it causes an illogical amount of weeping for no reason whatsoever because they never had more than a handful of dates, never mind pursued a relationship.
Frankly, I'd rather have a root canal.
To us, that’s not a chemistry thing. (It might be an imbalance of sorts, but it’s not just a chemistry thing). That’s a karmic wheel spinning out of control, that’s what that is.
Because it comes with an intensity that takes a few lifetimes to build. How do you know? It’s there in an instant. And if you think I’m crazy, there’s got to be someone you know that has or once 'had a thing’ for someone that made you want to pull them aside and say:
What hypnotist brainwashed you two into being together? 'Cause your fatal attraction is about as logical as a gazelle mating with a lion!
But that doesn't mean it's good for you. Even if you could prove you two had a thing for each other back in the Ming Dynasty era.
Chemistry. It can take place in all shapes and forms without so much as a 'logical' explanation.
But that’s not the point is it? As we age, the point becomes more readily defined.
The point becomes: Is this person good for me or not?
That is another matter entirely.
If having an affair was good for you, people’s lives wouldn’t be ruined by it, people wouldn’t die over it.
I’ve read statistical information that says when men are ready to get involved they pretty much attach themselves to the next best thing that comes along. Can life get any less complicated than that? In my view, this kinda sucks. But apparently the same is true of women - especially those whose biological clock is ticking.
They’re not romantic interests, they’re potential candidates.
Hogwash. That may be true for some people but I for one, refuse to believe it.
Leave me in my rose-colored glasses world of fairies, fantasies and happily ever after. Damn all your theories. Damn them all to hell!
Cogito Ergo Sum: “I think, therefore I am.” Descartes.
That’s what I really think. But by now, you know this about me.
If you think love is a game, then it is. If you think it’s timing, then it is.
And if you think it’s destiny, then it’s that too.
But the one thing you can’t argue with is this...
If it’s bad news for you, then you’ll know it in your gut. And if you continue to engage with the wrong person, then it’s nobody’s fault but your own.
The hardest thing to do is walk away from someone with whom there is more combustible energy than Chernobyl. But look what happened there.
At this point in my life, chemistry is not enough. It’s pretty damn good, but not enough.
I can’t grow old with chemistry. It won’t warm me when the fire goes out. I want someone that gives me room to be myself, room to grow, appreciates who I am, someone who is inherently kind without having to work at it, someone who gets me and someone I can laugh with.
If I can sit in comfortable silence with that person without ever feeling like someone has to say or do something, then I'll know. And if the simplicity of their very presence brings out the best in me, that will seal it.
I want soft, burning embers.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ready to give up chemistry - not by a long shot. Without it, there's always a little something missing.
But being drawn to someone because you haven’t dated in a really long time is not chemistry either. That’s just hormones talking.
Nope. It’s time to trust my intuition.
I just want to know how many frogs I gotta kiss first. ‘Cause I think I need some chapstick...
Next - Why we seek it
