It’s been a few days and I’m going through blog withdrawals.
But I’m happy to report I have already been to the gym four times this week. It feels great. Have I said how much I love having an accountability partner?
I love my AP.
She called the other day and we were both avoiding the gym issue (the white elephant in the room in the midst of a completely meaningless conversation) when in the middle of a sentence she said:
“I’ll be there in 5. Be downstairs.”
“FINE.” I said irritated but secretly pleased that someone had called me on it.
Because we have an agreement.
It isn’t enough just to have an accountability partner. When they call and suggest something you should be doing, you have to do it. If they call to ask you that question the answer to which informs them whether you’re actually doing what you’re suppose to be doing, you can’t lie. Because you are accountable to them. And on some cosmic level, you’ve signed a waiver granting them full permission to be the official ball-buster of your life.
Some days this person you’ve just entrusted to kick your ass on a regular basis starts to feel more like an AB (Accountability Bitch) than an AP but that’s the beauty of it. It’s like making a pact with the devil. You know what the deal is and you’ve promised to sacrifice the one thing that means more than anything to see your goal through to the end. With the devil it’s your soul. With an accountability partner it’s giving up that inherent desire to be a happy sloth doing what you do best on days when you “just don’t feel like it” - nothing. (Damned be to anyone who tells you, you can’t enjoy a movie marathon with enough pizza, coke and popcorn at your side to satisfy a room full of teenage boys).
And the worst part (or best depending on how you look at it) is you have to take it in the chin because it’s meant to be constructive - ie; without a hint of dagger - and therefore said with your best interests in mind. But at least it works both ways.
One day, my AP asked me:
“Do you think I’ve been neglecting... you know... my work... and avoiding my clients...just a little?”
“Yes” I replied unhesitatingly, “and A LOT, not just a little.”
(sigh). “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll get right on it.”
Now that’s what I call a true friendship.
The coolest part in all of this (as I rehash once again the importance of an AP) is I know it works.
Now that the dust is settling, the honeymoon period is over. That’s the real test. And we’re still at it.
In a few days, it will be one month since the Six Month Experiment began and the next journal entry will be aimed at tabulating my progress so far in all areas of my life.
The glory is gone, the excitement is waning, but the habits are slowing changing - and hopefully for good.
I once read it takes 21 days to change a habit. In another text, I read it takes 30, and yet another one, 3 months to ensure a permanent transition.
I think it varies. Personally, I believe it takes 21 days to get the momentum going and set a good foundation where you start to see the potential benefits of your new habits.
It then takes four to six weeks to notice positive results.
Three months to feel entrenched enough in your new routines that skipping begins to feel worse than actually sucking it up and doing it even when you don’t feel like it.
Six months to solidify your patterns.
One year to make a permanent life change and tally up drastic positive results in all areas at which time you will never be able to go back to your ‘old ways’ of being.
Time will tell... time tells all... the proof is in the pudding... the end justifies the... no wait, that’s not right... in this case, it’s more like “the means procreates the end”... anyway...
... the book...
I wrote the last chapter this week.
Now that doesn’t mean I finished the book. It means exactly what I said. It means I wrote the last chapter (and now I have to go back and finish the others).
But it FELT like I was DONE when I finished it. And it was the most AMAZING feeling. So much so, that I started quoting Batman while cracking open a bottle of wine to celebrate:
Well, I think this calls for a cup of char at venerable Ireland Yard (says Superintendent Watson in a bad Irish accent).
Robin: Char?
Batman: Yes, Robin, a colloquialism for tea.
I thought I was hysterical, but I think it was the wine which influenced my own self-perception. Although my AP thought I was pretty funny too. She kept saying:
“Isn’t your mom funny?!” to my kids who were quietly watching us and eating their dinner as two grown women shared a bottle of wine and did the happy dance, each one firmly stating the other was the "true comic genius" of the two, possessing enough talent to make a living doing stand-up.
Which leads me to my suggestion this week:
If you’re in the middle of a project and can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, do the last part first (if possible) and then go out and celebrate (or stay in and celebrate - trust me that works too).
This method may actually give you the momentum you need to move forward again.
But it’s all about the feeling. You have to hang on to that feeling. To know what it’s like to complete something. And then hang on to that feeling and use it to your advantage.
It’s all about illusion anyway.
If you think it, you are.
So use it.
...see on the 26th for a one month update...
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