6 a.m.
riiiiiiiiiiiiiing....
"hullo?" I said, sleepily.
"Hi, Nicole. This is the sub clerk from ----, are you available to sub anytime today?"
"Yup".
"I've got so many, what do you want? Junior high?"
"Oh God, no. Please. I've done that all week. Can you give me little kids? You know, small enough to control?"
"Sure. How about grade 3?"
"Perfect."
I mean, how hard could it be?
-------
3 hours later...
I look down at a manageable class list in a nice part of town and thanked God I had a break from older kids as it was the end of a very challenging week and I was low on energy and still not feeling 100%.
6 hours later...
I was hoarse and dumbfounded. I realized it didn't matter what age they were any more. The system just wasn't working.
kid 1: "You know you're the only sub we've had that didn't walk out of the classroom?"
kid 2: "Yeah, and the last one told us she was never coming back to this school as long as she lived!"
me: "No kidding? Gee, I wonder why"?
kid 3: "One sub even told us she was done with us and opened a book and started reading. Right in that chair! (pointing to the teacher's chair I was sitting in). We did whatever we wanted for the rest of the day".
I was nodding emphatically wishing I'd thought of that two hours ago.
kid 1: "Are you coming back? We really want you to. You're our favorite sub."
me: I dunno. You guys were pretty awful.
kid 2: Really? Are we really that bad?
me: "Actually, yeah you were. I'm not saying I don't like y'all, but man... this is not an easy class to be in and you kinda gave me a headache. I'm gonna have to think about it, but probably."
I was lying through my teeth.
I had subbed in a zoo.
Now, I know what you're thinking. They're in grade 3, how hard can it be?
But they were mean to each other, crawling over and under tables, and they didn't listen.
To ANYTHING I said.
I know I'm pretty relaxed in the classroom, but I can handle pretty much anything.
But about fifteen minutes in, I realized they were like a pack of dogs chasing each other and trying to establish leadership. And I lost it.
It was time to be ALPHA DOG.
"We are NOT going to start today off like this. YOU'VE GOT 3 SECONDS TO GET TO YOUR SEATS OR I'M KEEPING YOU IN FOR RECESS."
Thank-you Cesar Milan.
Of course it didn't last the whole day. I had a little respite when they went to gym and music, but because they were so wound up and I wasn't feeling 100%, I knew it was going to be tough to maintain my position.
Being a sub takes psychological warfare. It's not about respect anymore.
Gone are the days of order and discipline.
I was happy to sub at this particular school because it was my old school. I attended grades 4 and 5 here and I hadn't been inside since.
This was my opportunity to take a walk down memory lane.
I was however, mistaken to think it was going to have any semblance whatsoever to the good ol' days.
Way back when, I was taught by a number of teachers who had our respect - including one nun who taught catechism every day at 3 pm. You could hear a pin drop when she was in the room. That's just the way it was back then.
And I'll never forget when she told us we had it easy compared to her. It was the only time she had ever shared anything personal.
She had been born left-handed, but because it was deemed 'wrong', (something about the left being the domain of the devil), she was forced to learn to write with her other hand.
Technically, this made her ambidextrous. (By force, mind you, not like Wayne Gretzky who was born that way). But I thought it was pretty cool anyway and tried to teach myself to use my other hand as well, but that didn't last very long as I was about as coordinated as a chimp and they don't have thumbs.
And even though she was, you know, ambidextrous, I thought the reason behind it was like, REALLY stupid. I actually remember thinking who's the idiot that thought of that? I bet he wasn't left-handed, that's for sure.
Eventually, the church realized how ridiculous that rule was (more likely some new Bishop was a lefty and changed the rules) and she is now permitted to use either hand to write.
When I asked her why she didn't use her left hand, she just shrugged and said, "I did it for so many years, it's just a habit now."
Yep. This class wasn't like that.
It was the closest thing to the animal kingdom you can get.
And the last thing you should do is get into a power struggle with someone - especially when they're any age under 14, subject to a mob mentality, surrounded by a pack, and you're feeling 'off'.
When you're tired or drained, (emotionally or physically) being in a classroom of kids is like being in the wild. They're instinctual. If they think you're scared, they'll pounce.
If they think you're sick or tired, you're dead.
If you're insecure, you're finished.
You might as well call down to the office and tell them they need to find someone else for the afternoon.
Last year, when I came to school tired and the secretary would say, "Morning Nic, how are ya"? I'd say:
"I'm exhausted. They're gonna go for the jugular today. God be with me."
So I did my best.
I have my methods.
When I meet a bully, I pull him aside and tell him he wasn't born like that, so why is he pretending to be mean now?
That in the end, whatever he does to someone else that's rotten will start to manifest as bad luck. That it's a universal law.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
"So the next time you do something mean to someone, don't think about how you're going to get out of it or lie to your parents, or handle the principle and don't even think about how it's hurting someone else.
It's not about them kid, this is about you. So ask yourself if you want bad luck to follow you for the rest of your life. Then you might think twice about hitting him at recess.
And remember. The same is true when you're nice to someone else. Good things start to happen to you."
For whatever reason, telling them about karma always works. (At least for the rest of the day).
It's not guilt. It's not telling someone they're bad just because they did something wrong (or are born left-handed). Guilt, imposed or otherwise, never works properly because they are told to correct their behavior - it comes from the outside.
And that can never be sustained.
But telling them they have a choice and in the end, are the only ones it will affect, might. It's an egocentric age. The world revolves around them, so should their actions.
Taking responsibility for your actions should be taught early on.
I only wish the school system implemented philosophical/spiritual teachings right from the start.
We wouldn't be in this pickle...
