August 17-18, 2009
In honor of my son’s birthday, there will be no blog today.
Just kidding.
Alright, so I admit it. I’ve been avoiding a number of the elements Jack has lined up in his 7-step-program-to-overhaul-your-life Success Principles. I’m starting to feel like I need to form some sort of AA group for people like me who keep cheating on the program.
I need an accountability mob never mind partner, willing to lynch members with enthusiasm at the slightest infraction. There’s nothing like a little torture to get the ball rolling again.
What is this resistance I suddenly feel towards being a successful person? Why am I feeling so darn heavy?
Ah, frak it. I’ll eat cake and sleep on it. I’ll know in the morning.
***
August 18, 2009
Okay, I slept on it.
I was woken up by my landlord at 7 am. Usually I’m up already but this morning I was lollygagging in bed contemplating what to do with the rest of my life if I couldn’t get this book finished.
Anyway, apparently I did a crappy parking job and the guy beside me couldn’t get in. Nice.
Normally I would be mortified because consideration of others (and their space) is big on my list of what constitutes a good human being. But this guy made last winter miserable for me by having no qualms of parking in such a way that I had to get into my car from the passenger side one too many times. It only stopped after I wrote him a scolding type note.
A scolding type note is different than writing something that says:
“If you keep parking like an asshole, I’m gonna key your door.”
Those never work. It might be what you’re thinking, but they never work.
All that would have done is incite a full-on mental war with this guy.
He would have tested the waters to see how long he could get away with being an asshole until a full confrontation would conveniently occur the morning after he had a big fight with wife.
Knowing this about human nature, I prefer to appeal to one’s sensibilities without being meek and mild about it.
“Hi there. Please be more considerate in your parking habits. You are probably not aware of it, but I am unable to get into my car on any given day and this is causing me a great deal of inconvenience. Once I even hit my head trying to get in because you were too close. Thank-you and have an awesome weekend.”
I always write these things on a Friday because I know they'll go home knowing they can't run into me the next day (and feel angry or embarrassed).
Monday, they can begin again, with a fresh slate. And if they don’t move over enough, I write another note that says:
“Would you mind giving me just 6 more inches? It would make a world of difference. Thanks!” (big smiley face).
And when they finally do it right - a final note:
“I really appreciate your cooperation in this matter. Have a great rest of the summer. Cheers.”
It works every time.
The first note is direct. It’s a thinly disguised way of telling them they can’t park worth a damn (shame) but maybe they didn’t know it (benefit of the doubt). That they have made life uncomfortable for another human being (guilt), and I hit my head because of them (threat - because if it happens one more time, I’m calling either a tow truck or their mother).
Then comes the polite follow up note if they move over, but not enough. Chances are they will acquiesce to your second request because by moving over in the first place, they are in fact, admitting guilt.
So there it was this morning. A slight inconvenience for the original parking perpetrator. And I didn’t even have to move my car.
My landlord (who loves me) took my keys from me and said:
“He can move it himself. I’ll bring back your keys. So sorry for disturbing you”.
“On the contrary Roberto. Sorry for the inconvenience to you, my friend.”
With that little morning scenario pleasantly behind me, I made tea secretly hoping that when he turned the car on, one of my kids had left the hard rock station on full blast.
And now, I think I can work.
***
After tea and contemplation, I figured out what the problem was with regard to this haze I had been feeling for the last three days.
I had lost control and forgotten my true nature.
I went too far down the rabbit hole. I felt like Alice in La-La Land.
It’s like Cesar Millan (the Dog Whisperer) says about the animals he rehabilitates:
You must honor a dog’s true nature in order for it to be happy. Every dog must fulfill what it was meant to do and follow its true nature.
I love Cesar.
Following Cesar’s philosophy is like having my own personal kung-fu master. All I have to do is put "Dear grasshopper" in front of every sentence that comes out of his mouth and I'm good to go.
Here's how it works.
A dog is happy serving, behaving in a capacity that his genetic predisposition requires (guard dog, sheep herder, etc.) and following a pack leader it respects (the owner) for balance and security.
My true nature is to be light-hearted and find joy in most everything - and to get to a common sense truth about things.
When I get too serious, I get bummed out and then I can’t fulfill my destiny (which is to write humorously and share what I see with others in the hopes that it may benefit them as well).
I am also happiest when organized, facing what needs to be done head on, and accomplishing all the things I have written on my list.
And I am miserable when I procrastinate and cannot enjoy myself unless I have tackled the largest goal on my daily list FIRST.
This method is also recommended by Jack, who refers to a guy by the name of Brian Tracy (who himself wrote a book called Eat That Frog! 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time). Just identify one to five things you want to accomplish every day. And attack the biggest (and ugliest) one first.
It’s not about taking the path of least resistance, it’s about getting what he calls, the ugliest frog out of the way first to make breathing room for the rest. This sets the tone for the rest of the day. And he’s right.
For most of us, it’s dealing with the little things - making those unwanted calls, paying bills, looking at and figuring out your budget for the next month, etc.
And I discovered when I did this stuff first thing in the morning, I was less inclined to procrastinate on the rest.
It’s like cleaning your closet and making room for new clothes! So that’s what I did. I made those phone calls, did some banking online, looked at my budget, set up my subbing profile and felt GREAT.
I was no longer in the rabbit hole. With this new lightness of being, (and my humor back intact - thanks in part to my morning incident), I could see the world once again through fresh eyes.
Why? Because I became my own pack leader.
And then, I wrote an email where I had to set up a meeting and did not offer up my time freely - I now have parameters of availability that show self-respect. I did not offer a myriad of options, I did not haggle, I have no desire to haggle and I have no time to haggle.
“I have one hour on Friday to meet anytime after noon, but preferably over the lunch hour. Otherwise, it’ll be a while before I can reschedule.”
And I truly meant it.
Mind you, this was something where if I couldn’t make it, I wasn’t going to lose out (frankly I could care less) so I wasn’t playing risky hard ball, but man, did it feel good! I recommend using this method in areas where you don’t have a whole lot to risk losing. It's great practice.
And the pay off is, once people get the idea that you’re not always readily available, you go from an ‘average in importance’ category to a ‘her time is valuable so be prepared to make good on whatever time you can get her’ category.
And that ROCKS.
I feel like a new woman. I am the pack leader. I determine where I go, with whom I spent time with and for how long. I make no apologies for it because honey look out! I’m in a program to rehabilitate myself of old, worn out habits even if it kills me.
Thanks be to God. Amen.
On that note, I hereby declare that I will be posting twice a week from now on so I can actually get some work done in the ‘real world'.
Thanks for tuning in. Over and out.
