For now, I'm putting my subbing stories aside. Same ol' same ol'.
Besides, it would be WAY more fun to put a hidden camera in one of those classrooms and upload it to youtube. (Let the world judge for itself the iffy results of skewed liberalism).
But chances are, I'd never work again. Blackballed as it were.
In any case, back to the matter at hand... health and the state of the union - or rather, state of mind.
Whoever said one's health is the most important thing wasn't whistling dixie (ie; they weren't engaging in unrealistic or overoptimistic fantasies - just in case you ever wondered what that meant).
The truth of the matter is, I feel way better than I have in almost six weeks. I can tell because I can once again see the humour in life.
But that was a loooooooong time to feel crappy.
However, good things have also come out of it.
For one thing, I've never been so grateful to have working lungs. (I still can't laugh without feeling like I'm coughing one up, but that's a minor inconvenience).
Normally I would think it's a major one, but since everything is relative and breathing has become a priority, I think I can live with chuckling quietly for the next little while.
And now that I feel like i'm going to live, the question invariably becomes;
What did I learn, if anything, from this experience?
So here goes...
1. I learned to slow down.
This thing wasn't going anywhere until I decided it was somehow inextricably linked not only to my weakened immune system, but to my uncontrolled mind.
You know how Monks (those pros of the meditation world) talk about all the chatter in your brain being like a tree full of monkeys?
Mine also has organgutans, chimps and silver back gorillas competing for space.
I'm about as good at meditating as an Ultimate Fighter would be at performing Swan Lake as a guest dancer for the National Ballet.
And about as happy too, (considering the costume requirements).
I've mentioned this before, but all I can think about is either my grocery list or how I'd rather be having coitus instead of looking for my third eye (I mean, I'm suppose to find that where exactly?)
Seriously, I thought. Gimme a frakkin' break.
But, I was desperate.
My breathing had become so bad, I felt like I had asthma by every evening, which exacerbated the tension in my neck, which gave me a migraine, which made me tense, which made me hyperventilate which caused me to panic, which made my breathing worse until I took more cough syrup laced with codeine and basically passed out from exhaustion.
And that was just a fake feeling better.
This prescription cough syrup contains "a narcotic cough suppressant that affects a certain part of the brain reducing the urge to cough".
In other words, you think you don't have to cough but really you do.
???
Which made me wonder, if I stop coughing after I take it, did I really need to cough in the first place?
Or if it's all in my mind, then I'm not really sick, I only think I'm sick.
But I won't get into the details of that conundrum just yet.
For now, suffice it to say that the thought that this might be true, made Alice's trip down the rabbit hole look like a walk in a gated community compared to where I ventured.
But it might also have been a blessing in disguise.
The bottom line is, I'm finally learning to meditate - with aids of course. There's nothing like a well crafted holosync meditation CD to help you get your mind out of the gutter and into a field of flowers.
2. I learned to take really good care of myself.
For the first time in my life, I didn't hold back.
If I needed a vitamin, I got it or someone got it for me.
If there was a person I could call who'd been through this and might have a few answers, I called them.
I ate healthy food, found more supplements, went to the doc's, took my meds religiously, napped, went to bed early, and put my job as mother hen on hold.
I stopped answering the phone when I was too tired to converse and I didn't force myself to either work out or work too hard.
And the biggest change of all - I told people I needed time to myself. And lo and behold, the world didn't fall apart because I wasn't there to make soup or cushion the blow of whatever current disaster befell my family.
Go figure.
3. I learned it was okay to ask others for help and not tough it out alone.
This was my favorite one.
"Can I get you anything"?
"You betcha...."
I got rid of my best friend, Pride.
I love taking care of people when they're sick. What made me think I was the only one entitled to this privilege?
Sure, I didn't let people come over and hang out with me n' my germ friends (God knows no one wants to feel guilty for sharin' the love) But besides that, I was too busy fluctuating between napping and watching mindless programming on TV.
And once I got over the utter isolation, it was awesome!
Because I gave myself complete permission to look after me. For probably the first time in my life, without guilt.
Amazing.
Next: How manifesting health can apply to well... manifesting, period.
