Person 1 and person 2 are dating... the topic of asking for help comes up...
person 1. You can never rely on anyone but yourself.
person 2. That's not true, I rely on lots of people.
person 1. Well I don't. Everyone I've ever known has let me down. They're never there when you really need them.
person 2. That's not true, the people I know are always there when I need them. I can think of at least 5 people I could call at the drop of a hat if I was in trouble or just needed my closet cleaned out and couldn't bring myself to throw out my last boyfriend's sweatshirt or something.
person 1. (sarcastically) Nice.
person 2. You know what I mean. That doesn't mean I take advantage of it. I don't call on them for the little things I can take care of myself both emotionally or otherwise, but when I need a hand or I'm really choked about something, I know I can pick up the phone.
person 1. Well, you're lucky then.
person 2. I am, but I don't think it's luck so much as learning how to ask for help.
person 1. I'll never do that. And I mean never. I could be dying and I wouldn't ask for help.
person 2. I used to be like you. It's a retarded way to live, going through life alone, playing the martyr... it's so Joan of Arc.
person 1. Thanks.
person 2. You know what I mean. Why do you think we're all here on this planet together? So we can suffer alone? NO! so we can commiserate and ease each other's burden!
person 1. (Getting choked. He fails to see the humor in most anything I say.)
person 2. Okay, so you don't know anyone you can call on for help. Fair enough. Your support systems suck and mine don't. But I'm here. You can always call me up and say, "hey, I've had a crappy day. Can I come over?" or "I really need some help cleaning out the garage".
person 1. I would never do that.
person 2. (in disbelief) Get outta here.
person 1. (silence)
person 2. Seriously?
person 1. Yeah. Seriously.
person 2. (getting pissed off) Then why are you in a relationship?
person 1 (now totally ticked off). Oh, so NOW you're questioning the RELATIONSHIP???
person 2. Oh geez. That's not what I'm saying...
In retrospect, that's probably just what I was saying.
You can see where this is going.
Person 1 was fixated on a false generalization: ALL PEOPLE ARE UNRELIABLE and the only person you can count on is yourself. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Gee thanks.
The entire trust issue was at stake at a fundamental level so deep it wasn't even about the relationship anymore. It was about humanity in general.
As you can probably predict, this relationship fell apart shortly thereafter (and for a myriad of reasons not directly related to this particular conversation), but this conversation was in itself a huge red flag.
Person 1 was convinced that he was a 'giver' in this life. That was his job. He wasn't particularly crazy about it as there was a constant exhaustion in his good deeds to help others but he labelled himself as a giver nevertheless.
Like he had no choice.
If I said to him, "You are such a good father to your kids. They're lucky to have you", the response was, "I don't know any other way to be".
Sniff sniff.
How about because you WANT to be, not because you're stuck in a role you think God meant for you.
(That's not a very nice God if that's the case).
And what about free will? Authenticity? Being true to yourself?
In all fairness, it's easier said than done when you've been 'responsible' all your life and think the obligations that come with that role are set in stone and life has sucked you dry because you "give, give give" and nothing comes back your way.
Or does it not come back your way because you give, give, give and never ASK for it in return?
It's a slippery slope.
And if you attach manifesting principles to this you're treading in dangerous waters.
If you become completely self-reliant (to the point of obsessiveness) do you then get exactly what you project? Nobody to help you because you've given the universe the message that you will NEVER need it?
And then you attract people and experiences that verify your belief system over and over again until you've created the world you believe exists around you?
Shiza!
All I know is in order for energy to flow, it has to go both ways. If it doesn't, it WILL get stuck somewhere along the circuit.
It has to FLOW.
And for it to flow, you need to surround yourself with a few (less than a handful - family, friends, or preferrably both) that you can count on as much as they can count on you.
If you've never asked for help, the hardest part is putting your ego aside to ask for it when you need it and not giving up when one person can't fulfill that need.
You're bound to be disappointed sometimes. It doesn't mean it's OVER. Or we're all self-absorbed and selfish.
Yes, people are busy with their own lives, but one of those handful of people will come to your aid when you really need it.
That's why you need more than one person in your corner.
Don't get me wrong - givers are terrific people with huge hearts. He was one of them. And so was I. I know, I was one of them in every relationship, but too much of anything is never a good thing.
Too much 'giving' builds resentment (sometimes subtly and insidiously so) and is draining.
For life to work, you have to be both a giver and a taker or better yet - to learn how to both give and to receive)....
To lean more heavily on one side or the other spells imbalance and disaster in any aspect of your life.
Next - the necessity of having friends in any relationship
