I want to create a lengthy, detailed, no-holds-barred bucket list, spend my life checking off as many items as humanly possible then when I'm 95, turn to my partner (whoever that may be) and say:
"Goddamnit that was fun! Wanna do it again?" with a wink and a wicked smile.
Then I'll keep my fingers crossed at the prospect of another life so I can finish up what I started in this one.
But first, I have to deal with...
mother issues
Ah yes, those lovely, debilitating, mom issues.
Because if I don't remove the old emotional blocks that hamper my progress (in all areas of my life from career to relationships) then I have to factor in the extra time I will require for therapy with friends (over beer n' nachos) when I'd rather be spending that time talking about boys (and ordering good wine and fresh oysters).
It's as simple as that.
Because those darn childhood/parent issues have a habit of impeding the energetic flow you need to make your dreams come true. ie; They get in the way.
I'm not saying you need a cohesive nuclear family to make it work. But it sure makes it a lot easier if your mom (or any primary caregiver) loved and wanted you.
But mothers are people too. And not all of them are white-picket-fence/Martha-Stewart/stay-at-home-moms-or-career-women who fiercely love their children. I for one, have many faults, (not the least of which were my motherhood techniques), but mess with my offspring and I'll kill ya. And my kids know it. (At least they've got that).
Some people just never wanted to be mothers. It's not that they hate you (not really), it's just that without you around, they would have liked their life way better and they don't do much to hide that fact from you.
Sometimes, they even tell you.
Ouch.
So to make up for it you spend your life trying to be worthy enough for someone to love you but there's no end to it because you've only got one mom and if you miss the boat on that one... well... that can get you into a whole whack o' trouble because if you're starting at the bottom (ie; your mom doesn't want you) then you don't exactly have to reach very high to raise the bar now do you?
Get my drift?
But the good news is, there is an end to it.
At some point you have to accept, you have to forgive, and you have to find ways to love yourself the way your mother never could.
And the tricky part is, that validation can't come from anybody else but you. In a way, you have to be your own mother.
You have to do for you, what she couldn't.
It's a good thing I like beer n' nachos...
