Do opposites really attract?
Do people with opposing views inherently possess something we are magnetically drawn to because they 'complete' us?
Do we need them? On a practical level? Personality level? Soul level? At all? Are we incomplete without them? Relegated to wandering this lonely universe solo from one relationship to another until we accept this necessity as part of our human development?
Is that how we balance who we are?
God help me if that's the case.
And what exactly do we mean by opposite? Should a kind, gentle person get involved with a someone who tortures small animals for kicks?
Should a shyster date an honest Joe?
Should a person who sees the world in black and white date a person who sees it in shades of gray?
Maybe. But I for one, can't see oh... an Atheist and a devotee of some religious sect making it work for instance.
Call me crazy.
'Opposites' implies diverging views.
This can be a good thing as it has the potential of invoking some pretty heated debates which can lead to even more 'fun'. But not necessarily.
Someone might end up sleeping on the couch.
It depends on whether you're arguing which is better? 'coke' or 'pepsi'? or whether the thing upon which you differ completely is something you hold dear to your heart and any significant differences reveals a fundamental rift in your mindsets.
That, can be problematic.
So I don't think opposing views are the source of balance as much as someone who can tip the emotional scales in such a way that when you're heavy on the 'heavy' stuff, they lighten you up.
When you're tapped out, they can tap in to fill you up.
When you're stressed, their very presence eases your burden.
And when your cage is rattled, they open the door and let you out to express yourself - wild mane n' all - without judgement, but with an eye of stoic amusement, knowing all the while who you really are underneath the mayhem.
And it must be reciprocated.
Now that's balance.
Do opposites attract?
They most certainly do.
Can they sustain it? Well, I'll get back to that in a moment...
A few weeks ago, I asked my eldest whether he thought true love existed.
Knowing he's been in a wonderful relationship for the last six years, I was expecting a stellar response that would mirror mine - "but of course"! (Then we'd share a beer and I could go about my day pleased with myself that I had done such a good job raising him).
Instead, he gave me some sort of mumbo jumbo biological response that didn't sit well with me as I never intended to raise a doubting Thomas, yet here he was, making an argument for logic, and (I thought), leaving love behind in the dust.
(So much for all those fairytales I used to read him).
Anyway, it went something like this:
You can relegate everything in the universe to energies and we tap into those energies via the collective unconscious.
This is in effect, our ability to tap into what we all recognize in each other as universal commonalities (and principles).
We all started as amoebas, we all contain the same building blocks. That's why we all get each other on some level. We really are all connected. Carl Jung.
Therefore, everything we do or choose to do, (or HAVE) including love, is a conscious decision. We just love those that are more like us. The higher the recognition, the greater the chance we will choose to love them. It's a choice.
Pretty logical.
Then I said; we not only recognize people like us, but we recognize nuances in energy differences. We instinctively get those of us like ourselves yes, but I think it goes further - it has to do with a source, the origin or the foundation...
(This came as a result of my talking about love at first sight, does it exist, but I will leave that digression for another time)
This discussion eventually went on to the nature of love...
To him, love is a decision... it comes after lust wears off (which is of course, our biological instinct for reproduction kicking in), blah blah blah... Then he claimed to be an atheist and more blah blah blah, thus assuring me that his view is objectively based, because none of that hokey, romantic, society-induced bullshit works on him.
He knows the deal. (True grit n' all that jazz). And I loved him to bits for it.
But I told him that for me true love does exist and my certainty was based on one significant underlying belief.
And that this belief (or lack of it) placed people in two different camps for which there was no possible reconciliation. (Regardless of biology, hormones, ovulation, procreative drive or what-have-you).
It was significant - a deal breaker - because incorporating it or dismissing it would affect the foundation through which someone viewed his very existence.
And if two people were at variance regarding this one thing, that no matter how significant the attraction, no matter what else might be right, it could never work.
And here's that one thing (at least for me)...
Some people believe the fundamental building block of the universe is matter...ie; it's an objective crapshoot of evolution.
I think the fundamental buidling block of the universe... is LOVE.
And I'm talking about the actual building block.
To put it more succintly, I don't believe the creative force of the universe is neutral. I think it holds a positive, loving energy.
For lack of a better explanation, I think that's how it creates... how we create. I believe feelings and thoughts are just as real as visible matter and they are part n' parcel of the creative process, while destructive forces, hold a negative charge (or perhaps a non-positive one).
If you look at an atom, it is comprised mostly of empty space.
I found the best description of it in a book called The Tao of Physics. Simply put, if an atom were the size of St. Peter's Basilica, the nucleus would be the size of a grain of sand floating in the middle of it while the electrons spinnning around would each be the size of a dust particle.
And everything in the universe is made of atoms. EVERYTHING. Think about them apples for a mintue or two.
So if 99.99% of an atom is empty space and we are all made up of atoms, then we are mostly empty space. Or perhaps, pure thought. Or emotions. Which if true, suddenly makes thoughts and feelings just as real (probably more) than anything else you can touch, see, or feel (since solid matter comprises less than a paltry .1% of everything).
And supposing that these emotions/thoughts literally exist on a universal level, as human beings, we could not, not also possess them. For we are a microcosm of our external, cosmic world. A mirror reflection of all that is.
So I believe these things exist at a subatomic level. And they are real, and they are unbelievably powerful.
Therefore love exists independently of whatever goes on in our biological brain because it existed BEFORE we had a brain, and will exist AFTER it disappears.
Love simply is.
It exists in the brain, but it also exists outside of it.
There is no separation.
Therefore, love exists. PERIOD.
It is a part of us - and not a decision to have or not to have (at least not entirely).
Whether you like it or not, are ready for it or not, love is always there, always at your doorstep, in every person you meet. Though it may be dormant, like a chrysalis, it is waiting to be cracked open for release.
Some people create vast scenarios and call those love, thinking they are in such a way, bringing it to existence, but you cannot bring something to existence that was, is and always will be.
Sometimes it is a hidden part and the brain helps us to reactivate it, but it exists even when it is dormant. In all beings.
It is wrapped up in everything we do as an invisible force. (Even though a lot of people do their damndest to keep it under wraps).
And that's why we can't really put a finger on it.
Love is intangible and yet it's more real and more powerful than anything else.
And that's why Fisher's analysis is incomplete.
Now, do opposites attract? Yes.
Can they sustain it?
Not if part of that opposition is the whereabouts of love.
If one believes it exists as an extension of our biological function and the other believes it is responsible for the creation of everything and we are inseparable from it, then fugghetaboutit.
(And next time, I might even postulate as to why).
In any case, an hour later the question still hung in the air, having woven its way through a few black holes and milky ways, for I knew he loved this girl.
"So, what do you think? Is what you have true love?"
He paused... looked at me, pursed his lips, nodded knowingly and smiled...
"Yup."
