Is Unrequited Love as good as it gets?

I, for one, sure as hell hope not.

Unrequited: –adjective

1. not returned or reciprocated: unrequited love.
2. not avenged or retaliated: an unrequited wrong.
3. not repaid or satisfied. (*particularly poignant and effective in movies)

But the best way to explain unrequited love is to offer you a bit of dialogue from one of my favorite flicks - City Slickers:

Curly: I just turned around and rode away.

Mitch: Why?

Curly: I figured it wasn't going to get any better than that.

Mitch: Yeah, but you could have been, you know, with her.

Curly: I've been with lots of women.

Mitch: Yeah, but, you know, she could have been the love of your life.

Curly: She is.

-----

Well, that just sucks.

So the question becomes, why are audiences so drawn to love that can never be? Why doesn't SOMEBODY walk out of the theatre in protest when Romeo doesn't get to live out his life with Juliet?

WHY isn't SOMEONE besides ME, choked that Shakespeare could be such a heartless bastard and write the ending that he did?

And why are we OKAY with it?

Not only are we okay with it, we embrace it.

Unrequited love stories are often touted as the greatest love stories of all time.

We weep with bitter disappointment, yet secretly approve of Rick's anguish for Ilsa in Casablanca and applaud his sacrifice for true love and commend her loyalty to someone else.

How come nobody threw popcorn at the screen, outraged that two people who so obviously belonged together will never be?

Why do we pine at unrequited love, approve of its pain and feel satisfaction at the tragic ending of a story that by all logic, should have been 'just beginning'?

I'll tell you why.

Because it's easier.

If boy meets girl, falls in love with her and never gets her, then nothing can go wrong down the road the way it MIGHT if they actually decided that what they had was worth a shot - you know, in the post-honeymoon period.

No siree. Their love is preserved forever in its sacrifical perfection and doesn't have to go through the nuances, the ups and downs, and the challenges of a long-term commitment...

...like extended family drama...

...or crazy Aunt Bessie who embarasses everyone at Xmas dinner by refusing to use her cutlery...

...or growing kids experimenting with drugs...

...or day-to-day routines like too much laundry, cooking supper, driving kids to soccer 7 days a week, poor grades in school, illnesses of every kind, and every other test that might stress 'true love' to the nines, whose elasticity suddenly might - JUST MIGHT - have a breaking point.

Then it wouldn't be true love anymore, would it?

True Love exists in perfection, just the way Plato imagined it would in what he called The World of the Forms.

Plato believed that all ideas on earth (everything from abstract concepts such as truth, honor, beauty and love, - to the original design of a chair), originated somewhere 'above us' in an ethereal world of perfection.

All ideas and concepts are pure in this realm and become somehow distorted by misunderstanding or misuse in ours.

And it's only the elevated/philosophical/spiritual man, who truly understands that our goal in life is to forever try and attain these ideals. And though we might come close, we can never really get there because we are, by nature, imperfect.

Except in death. Where we go back from whence we came.

Make sense?

So if you never try, you can never screw up. If you die, you can never screw up.

You get to keep the ideal of LOVE where it should be - in the World of the Forms - pure, untainted, unchallenged and... on some level, unattainable, except in theory - like in the movies.

But you'll never be disappointed.

So is unrequited love as good as it gets?

Only if you live in the World of the Forms it is.

And I don't know anybody who owns a condo there...

The Love Chronicles - Part IV - Redefining chemistry Who are you nuts for?

Chemistry:

1. the science that deals with the composition and properties of substances and various elementary forms of matter. (Hmmmm. Probably not)

2. chemical properties, reactions, phenomena, etc.: the chemistry of carbon.(Nope but moving in the right direction)

3. the interaction of one personality with another: The chemistry between him and his boss was all wrong. (closer - this definition could apply to romantic relationships)

4. sympathetic understanding; rapport: the astonishing chemistry between the actors. (Warmer!)

5. any or all of the elements that make up something: the chemistry of love.

BINGO!

Now THAT's what I'm talkin' about - the whole kit n' kabootle.

I realize I've broached this subject before in PART II of "The Love Chronicles: Love - what it is" but I really didn't do it justice.

I was still reeling from an experience similar to the one alluded to within the article, but deep down inside, there was a knowing that I had only scratched the surface of what chemistry truly is.

Chemistry: any or all of the elements that make up something. The chemistry of love.

People traditionally think of chemistry as the animal magnetism between two people who, if social decorum were not an issue, would be at each other like a couple of rabbits (or squirrels) - even in public (modesty be damned).

But it's much more than that.

As one gets older, one realizes that animal magnetism can only get you so far.

Ever been attracted to someone after a few drinks only to realize during your real first, follow-up (and sober) date a week later, you'd rather remember them as they were, wearing a halloween costume that made them look like Johnny Depp from Blow?

(Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything...)

The question simply becomes - does chemistry still exist when the dust settles? When all the other elements come into play?

Or when they say something for the first time do you look at them quizically and think to yourself:

It was the alcohol. You might be cute, but we have about as much in common as a moose and a mosquito. And though I will politely engage in conversation because you are after all, a human being, I would kill myself if I went out with you.

Call me fussy, but I want chemistry of mind and soul, followed by chemistry of attraction - as the latter is either enhanced or diminished by the first two.

Throw in common goals and interests and I'll be as turned on as Cleopatra was to Antony, as macaroni is to cheese and as peanut butter is to jam.

For me, finding a partner does not require that initial animal magnetism to create interest (though that may indeed happen) but rather, it requires "ALL the elements that make up chemistry".

If I meet a handsome man who lacks intelligence, suddenly he's not so hot.

If I meet a man who is accomplished, yet arrogant and mean, the thought of 'being with him grosses me out.

If I meet a man some would consider average, yet he is a spectacular human being, suddenly his ordinariness becomes an extraordinary aphrodisiac.

Then something that might have lacked the fairy-tale version of love-at-first-sight-chemistry, is transformed by inner qualities that manifest as charisma.

Not only does this hold greater appeal than any made-in-magazine chemistry could muster, but also carries within it the potential of longevity that can be sustained and enhanced for years to come.

Now THAT'S true love.

Hook me up with the real deal...

The rest just makes me squirrley.

The Love Chronicles - PART III - relationship drama anyone?

It was over coffee with a male friend that started it, followed by a great first date that amplified it, but over the last few days I've once again pondered the nature of love.

My friend asked me: "Can a romantic relationship exist without drama"?

Without so much as a moment's hesitation, I answered him in my most pshaw-ing, know-it-all voice:

"Of course it can".

And considering my love life has been anything but exemplary of such a statement over the last say, THIRTY YEARS... I had to stop and ask myself, what gives?

So here's my take on it.

Just because I think a relationship can exist without drama doesn't mean that it does.

(Small homage to the ones I've had)

Ah yes. 'Tis true. I am no stranger to patterns reminiscent of Shakespearean tragedies that have consistently followed me like a pack of unrelenting bloodhounds for the better part of my ENTIRE adult life...

So far...

So why the certainty that true love can exist without drama? Because it can. And more so - it SHOULD.

Anything less is not true love.

Oh shush, all you naysayers with your passionate embraces who cling woefully over the pendulum swing of pangs and ecstacies steeped in your negative relationship patterns.

If your feverish fantasies do not transform into the steady flame of consistent feelings of love, honesty and respect, then all you're getting is a little somethin' somethin' that will burn out as quickly as it flared up in the first place.

And if they don't and your pendulum keeps swinging in both directions, then I guarantee you will be relegated to an unhealthy emotional life whose imbalance may just cause you a heart condition for real.

But sadly, most people are addicted to their drama the way Canadians are to Tim Horton's coffee.

The question is... WHY?

Personally, I think it's because most people are bored.

They equate drama with excitement, the excitement eventually produces challenges (what comes up must come down), and this gives them a 'raison d'etre' - a reason for being. It occupies their mind, they keep 'busy' with fabricated problems, and nobody has to confront the meaning of their existence and do the work required to understand themselves and lead a healthier, more fruitful life.

I once dated a guy who, when he could not find drama in our relationship would create it out of habit. When I finally caught on to what he was doing during one of his tantrum-like obsessive tendencies, I turned to him and said:

me: "What are you doing"?

him: "What"?

me: "Do you realize how perfectly well we get along? We don't fight, we see eye to eye on most things and most of all, it's effortless. Do you agree how easy this relationship has been"?

him: "Yeah".

me: "Then why are you creating problems where none exist? You understand don't you, that you're unconciously sabottaging it"?

Silence

me: "If you keep it up, I guarantee it'll be over before you know it".

And sure enough, six months later, it was.

The same was true of the guy before him, who never felt as alive as when we were fighting, so would create uncomfortable situations that would eventually send me into a frenzy and when I was at my most exasperated, would sit there with a smug, satisfied look on his face as if something in him had just been appeased.

It took me a year to figure that one out.

A good relationship is one that is drama-free. Not problem-free as those are two completely different things, but drama-free.

Where one person does not throw things against the wall, where the fights are not like all-out wars based on mistrust and jealousies, followed by reassurances of absolute devotion that make Jonestown pale in comparison, and then topped off with make-up session of matching passions.

You can keep your drama. I don't care how good the sex is.

Next - redefining chemistry

The Love Chronicles - Love: what is it, why we seek it - Part II - What it is...

As per usual, much of what I've surmised about the nature of love stems from what what I think it isn't.

Goodbye to crack addictions, Rene Descartes and looking for Mr. Goodbar.

I know what you’re thinking.

You think this entry is going to be about saying good bye to a drug addiction. Could it be... cocaine? Crack? Meth? Well, I've never been a drug user. Besides, the only mildly interesting drug addiction stories come from the rich n' famous like self-admitted former meth user Andre Aggasi. (And even then...).

I am however, going to talk about being addicted to love. (Sing it to me Robert Palmer).

Well, it’s not so much love (or maybe it is, I don’t know), but meeting someone that does something to your senses.

You know: your sense of well being, your sense of logic, your sense of what comprises sanity and yes... even your sense of yourself. That’s a lot of sense for something that rarely makes a whole lot of sense.

Someone that says all the right things, looks at you just the right way, smells like you imagine they should smell... and when they’re near you, the world around just melts away and you’re both just standing there on an island called, It’s all about us, it’s always been about us, and it will always BE about us.

And the worse part? All you want to do is touch them. Just a little bit. Like, put your pinky on their clavicle or something. Place the tip of your nose one inch from the nape of their neck. Feel the crook of their elbow. Stare at their lips from really close up for no reason at all.

Oh yeah. It’s not just men who get like this. No siree. It’s women too.

Guys call it chemistry. A woman however, will say they’ve just “rekindled a past life connection” because to them nothing is ‘just chemistry’.

Actually to them, nothing is simple or easy. If it doesn’t have romance attached to it, they come up with another explanation.

Sometimes I think that’s the main difference between our sexes. Guys feel it too, but women, turn it into a made-for-tv mini-series.

I think a guy feels ‘chemistry’ with a lot of women. Women do too, but for the most part, most men analyze it differently. Or perhaps not at all. Men accept it for what it is - chemistry. In a way, I envy that.

Women want an explanation.

A woman will question it to death. Like when she meets a guy she hardly knows but trusts her instincts that he's no good for her. Then after she tells him "it’s just not gonna work", it causes an illogical amount of weeping for no reason whatsoever because they never had more than a handful of dates, never mind pursued a relationship.

Frankly, I'd rather have a root canal.

To us, that’s not a chemistry thing. (It might be an imbalance of sorts, but it’s not just a chemistry thing). That’s a karmic wheel spinning out of control, that’s what that is.

Because it comes with an intensity that takes a few lifetimes to build. How do you know? It’s there in an instant. And if you think I’m crazy, there’s got to be someone you know that has or once 'had a thing’ for someone that made you want to pull them aside and say:

What hypnotist brainwashed you two into being together? 'Cause your fatal attraction is about as logical as a gazelle mating with a lion!

But that doesn't mean it's good for you. Even if you could prove you two had a thing for each other back in the Ming Dynasty era.

Chemistry. It can take place in all shapes and forms without so much as a 'logical' explanation.

But that’s not the point is it? As we age, the point becomes more readily defined.

The point becomes: Is this person good for me or not?

That is another matter entirely.

If having an affair was good for you, people’s lives wouldn’t be ruined by it, people wouldn’t die over it.

I’ve read statistical information that says when men are ready to get involved they pretty much attach themselves to the next best thing that comes along. Can life get any less complicated than that? In my view, this kinda sucks. But apparently the same is true of women - especially those whose biological clock is ticking.

They’re not romantic interests, they’re potential candidates.

Hogwash. That may be true for some people but I for one, refuse to believe it.

Leave me in my rose-colored glasses world of fairies, fantasies and happily ever after. Damn all your theories. Damn them all to hell!

Cogito Ergo Sum: “I think, therefore I am.” Descartes.

That’s what I really think. But by now, you know this about me.

If you think love is a game, then it is. If you think it’s timing, then it is.

And if you think it’s destiny, then it’s that too.

But the one thing you can’t argue with is this...

If it’s bad news for you, then you’ll know it in your gut. And if you continue to engage with the wrong person, then it’s nobody’s fault but your own.

The hardest thing to do is walk away from someone with whom there is more combustible energy than Chernobyl. But look what happened there.

At this point in my life, chemistry is not enough. It’s pretty damn good, but not enough.

I can’t grow old with chemistry. It won’t warm me when the fire goes out. I want someone that gives me room to be myself, room to grow, appreciates who I am, someone who is inherently kind without having to work at it, someone who gets me and someone I can laugh with.

If I can sit in comfortable silence with that person without ever feeling like someone has to say or do something, then I'll know. And if the simplicity of their very presence brings out the best in me, that will seal it.

I want soft, burning embers.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ready to give up chemistry - not by a long shot. Without it, there's always a little something missing.

But being drawn to someone because you haven’t dated in a really long time is not chemistry either. That’s just hormones talking.

Nope. It’s time to trust my intuition.

I just want to know how many frogs I gotta kiss first. ‘Cause I think I need some chapstick...

Next - Why we seek it

The Love Chronicles - Love: what it is, why we seek it Part I

Following the Ashley Madison controversy, I thought it was high time the pendulum swung the other way. And according to most websites and newspapers that refuse to carry ads for the adultery-promoting website, (thank-you world), I'd like to think most people understand the significance of love, even if they don't understand how it works, where to find it or if they will ever be privileged enough to experience it.

So this series is for my AP (and every other letter of the alphabet still patiently waiting for the real thing)

I'd like to begin with a section from Kahlil Gibran's The Prophet:

Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love."

And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:

When love beckons to you follow him,

Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,

Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him,

Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,

So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.

He threshes you to make you naked.

He sifts you to free you from your husks.

He grinds you to whiteness.

He kneads you until you are pliant;

And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."

And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;

To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

-----

Next: What it is.

The Ashley Madison controvery - To cheat or not to cheat Part III

Madison Schmadison.

There are only a few circumstances under which a steamy affair might be forgiven or understandable.

Claiming 'it's an inevitable fact of life' is not one of them. (Bite me Biderman).

Here are the possible exceptions:

1. The Victorian Era. (Or any modern arranged marriage that places the bride-to-be (or husband-to-be for that matter) in a highly unfavorable position, but over which she/he has no control due to cultural obligations/guilt/threat of death.

Just ask Jane Austen (or any satirist in either the Georgian Period or the Victorian Era - those golden years from the mid 1600's to late 1800's where you were either part of the gentry or a loser).

Austen's novels highlight "the dependence of women on marriage to secure social standing and economic security" - without which, they were left penniless in a society that had virtually no social security net.

She might have been one of the first to target the 'stuckness' of women while still remaining hopeful of finding and acquiring 'true love' (hope springs eternal even in the most restrictive of societies).

But back then, the reality was if you dared disobey your parents' wishes of marriage to a man who within five years would have fewer teeth than your first born child at the age of one, you were screwed for life.

Not only would you be penniless with no way to earn a living but you would be ostracized and probably die of some interminable disease on the streets of London.

(See cartoonist William Hogarth's print above, circa 1720).

So you might as well just go ahead and inject yourself with the black plague rather than reject a suitor determined to be 'perfectly suitable' for you at the tender age of 15 because according to mom and dad, his 'good social standing' should have had you turning cartwheels in the foyer.

Screw them. They don't have to chisel his toenails every night.

So if that fifteen year old ends up having a steamy affair with the gardener she is secretly in love with who is closer to her age, then may the Gods hide her indiscretion and grant her the one thing we all secretly desire - true, passionate love.

Which brings us to...

2. True Love

Now that doesn't mean I'm condoning affairs by any means, but I am willing to take into account the one thing stronger than any socially determined propriety or even legal obligation - LOVE.

Not lust - let me make that perfectly clear - but rather the real thing that often defies logic to everyone but the two involved whose love and passion for each other is worth dying for (Romeo & Juliet) or even worth suffering perpetual ridicule for (Prince Charles and Camilla, Dutchess of Cornwall).

I mean seriously, I still think there's something wrong with a man who would rather be Camilla's tampon over the doting husband of Princess Diana, but I cannot argue his feelings for Camilla.

Those two have stayed the course of true love through stormy weather - accusations of infidelity (probably true) and planned sabotage (probably not).

Throughout the barrage the man remained true to his feelings for her while suffering the verbal and emotional outrage of confused, royalty-watching sycophants and the dingo-like devourings of the gossip media.

Good for him.

This does not mean I think it's okay if you're married to go ahead and act on your feelings. I still think there's a right way and a wrong way of doing things that doesn't incur bad karma or devastate those around you, but... I get it.

And once the dust has settled, the truth is out in the open and twenty years have passed, it's pretty hard for anyone to dispute the fact that these two were meant to be together.

However, it's a tad more acceptable if the 'couple' accidentally found each other during complicated circumstances and spent years pining their predicament in the form of unrequited love, until finally giving in.

But this whole business of actually SETTING UP AN AFFAIR by signing up for a dating site that provides a forum in which two people can prepare to be adulterous is ridiculous and beyond ANY logical progression even a torrid affair can claim.

3. The "MISTAKE"

Alright. I'm not so pure or self-righteous as to think I'm entitled to climb onto a soapbox of morality because I can lay claim to have lived my life error-free.

Let he who has never sinned cast the first stone

BUT...

There are acts of adultery triggered by either too much consumption of alcohol or even emotional desperation that cause in those who engage in them great remorse for THE REST OF THEIR LIVES.

These are known as mistakes.

Bad ones albeit, (and many, depending on the circumstances are never forgiven, causing the dissolution of marriage), but they are mistakes nevertheless.

But the potential exists for forgiveness by the person whose trust has been violated.

So for what it's worth, those are my three exceptions. The rest is bullshit.

This whole business of setting yourself up for a planned affair, (sometimes for no reason save you're bored with your current arrangements), then perform the dirty deed, feel nothing but satisfaction that you got away with it, and never beg for forgiveness, is bound to eat away at your soul for a very, very long time.

It's inevitable.

Like I said before, we are all accountable to each other, to society and to the Universe as a whole.

Most of all, we are accountable to ourselves.

I'm of the camp that believes we inherently understand right from wrong and suffer personal ramifications of our own doing for things we genuinely understand to be in violation of universal rules like trust and loyalty.

And that's what this business between two people who have made a committment to each other is.

So, if trust is the foundation of any relationship, then engaging in acts that violate this trust is a sure way to slowly erode whatever relationship you are attempting to build - whether your partner finds out about your indiscretion or not.

It's like Chinese water torture. It might be one drip at at time, but eventually it's going to bore a hole in your head.

So save yourself the aggravation.

Don't fall for Biderman's argument that having an affair is the "only thing that will save the modern marriage".

Trust me, communication is.

And that's all she wrote...

Where your next inspiration hails (or doesn't) - PART II - The Ashley Madison controversy

Named after a character in Entourage who had a romantic fling with James Woods, this dating site promises "an affair to remember" or your money back.

(All $249 of your 'guarantee package price' if you don't get laid by a fellow reprobate within three months).

"Life is short. Have an affair." That's their motto.

I have a better idea. How about NOT?

Call me a nutbag but I think they missed the whole point of marriage (and shall I venture to say, even an affair)?

Bear with me.

Never one to judge another's moral disposition, (after all, one person's paradise is another's ticket to hell), there is something inherently illogical regarding the founder's argument that makes, even a liberal like me, pause mid-air, squint my eyes, raise one eyebrow Scooby-doo style and say:

"Whoa!... wait just a doggone minute there buster!"

To which the founder replies:

"Infidelity is a fact of life... [we] provide a safe and successful platform for those who have decided to proceed down this path."

Safe from what? The dangers of VD? (As if there's any guarantee)

Or safe that you won't get caught by your wife or husband because everyone is in the same boat with just as much to lose as you?

Successful? If you think having an affair with a willing partner who signed up to have one is successful then you've got another thing coming (no pun intended).

Any jackass can shoot partridge in a cage.

Here's what I don't get.

The men I interviewed for my book claimed that the best part of dating was the chase. So much so, that most of them lost interest in a woman who gave it up too early, even if they liked them a whole lot before the naked dance party.

This held so true across the board that hard core hunters (a.k.a. players) told me they never bother putting themselves in the 'intimate' category of a dating profile, because they prefer to chase nice girls - it poses a greater challenge.

As a result of this psychosis, they put themselves in the "looking for long-term" category even when they have no intention of settling down with anyone. And women players (believe me, they're out there) do the same.

It's pretty yucky but you can usually weed them out (trust me I know - I learned the hard way).

But if the chase is not the point, then what is?

Getting away with something?

That's so Junior High.

Variety?

If you want variety, tell your partner you want an open marriage or you want to be single. Then you can have all the variety you want. You BOTH can.

Excitement?

If it's a "safe" environment and there's no danger of getting caught, then where's the excitement? You'd get more excitement stealing bubble gum from a 7/11.

It's FREE?

Not if you pay the guarantee subscription price of $249 it isn't. Can anyone say, Pimp my ride?

You're bored?

Find a hobby. Buy a sex toy. Get a dog.

If you start down this road, I've got news for you. You're going to get bored REALLY FAST more often. There is no end to it. Ask anyone who's had a stream of extra-marital affairs:

The first time is the hardest. After that, it gets easier.

And I challenge the founder on his statement because he forgot to finish it:

"Infidelity is a fact of life... for SOME people."

And just because it exists, doesn't mean it's a good idea.

If it was, we would simply do away with marriage as an institution. People would engage in contractual living arrangements that would make each partner feel financially secure and then call it a day, moral turpitude aside.

What he is really saying, is we have to accept it.

That's like saying, "Heroine is here to stay. Deal with it."

As far as I'm concerned, as long as infidelity is grounds for divorce, it's as illegal as smoking crack or shooting heroine. And just because a pusher doesn't fill your syringe and shove a needle in your arm doesn't make him less accountable in the eyes of the law.

We all have free will. No one is disputing that.

But that doesn't mean we're okay with a salesman's approach to promoting behaviour that can have nothing but detrimental consequences on a person's emotional well-being, never mind society's (or the 'pusher's' own karma).

We are ALL interconnected. Make no mistake of that. What one person does, on some level, affects us all.

And just for the record, founder Noel Biderman claims affairs are "bound to save the modern marriage" - yet he is faithful to his wife.

Uh huh.

Next - A devil's advocate approach to the Affair.

You just never know where your next inspiration hails... PART I

... or from where will come a gentle reminder that life extends beyond our own peripheral vision.

And I got it as a facebook post from a guy who was part of the "Fargo Bus Group":

David H. saw a grey whale blow spray while surfing the westport jetty today with snowy mountains and a full ass moon behind me as the sun was dropping into the sea. mama nature in full effect!! topped off with some cave singers and a fresh cup of jo from the hungry whale gas station for the drive home. shredding life...

And I muttered to myself: Well would ya look at that! There IS a world that exists outside of my self-imposed cynicism!

WHO KNEW?!

As a quick recap, the "Fargo Bus Group" was born out of a Greyhound bus trip adventure back in July.

We were stranded in Fargo for a few hours when our bus missed its connection due to a passenger-related border delay from Winnipeg to Chicago.

With lots of time to kill in a tiny bus station, someone piped up:

"Who wants to go for a beer?"

A few people stood up: Anna from New Zealand, the teachers/roommates from Alberta, me n' Roy from Winnipeg, some dude from Montreal and David from San Diego.

And we headed out to surf the downtown area of Fargo for a place that served cheap beer and bar munchies, swap stories of where we were going and make the best of our delay.

The things I learned that afternoon were invaluable.

Like, if you mix beer with fruit punch it makes a refreshing summer drink. And how to inject vodka properly into watermelon to give it a real kick. And how surfing conditions are different depending on what beach you're on; Thailand, Bali, or the California Coast.

As you can probably guess by now, I became more a receiver of information than a contributor.

(Memories of college days that had sorely evaded me).

But strangely enough one of the things we had in common despite our age differences, was how we all believed that life was meant to be lived, not endured.

And that delays, side tracks and other circumstances that encourage patience, flexibility or a sudden change of plans is part n' parcel with life and should be embraced because they all offer opportunities for connecting with new people, slowing down, and blah blah blah.

I've said all this before.

So why was it so important to me today?

Well, I've been in limbo city since I discovered this whole literary process thing is going to take longer than originally anticipated. And reading David's facebook post gave me the lift I needed.

Sometimes, you just have to ride the wave and take stock of what's around you and remember that recognizing the truth of what exists in that moment is a gift that is unique.

And also, what you do with it.

David shared what he saw. It was that simple.

And it affected me positively in a much greater way than he probably ever anticipated when he wrote it.

I observe life. I point out the innane. And I hope that someone along the way will also benefit once in a while, from my observations.

The truth of the matter is, I think my intentions with this book were pretty straight-forward.

Using my own experiences as 'what not to do', I discovered some red flags and funny advice bits I hope will benefit others looking for love online.

I guess the bottom line is, I still think that we are accountable for whatever we do on some level to each other, to society, and to the Universe.

Okay, I admit it, writing a survival guide on Internet Dating isn't on the same level as Doctors Without Borders or Amnesty International. But hey, even those guys need love.

Everybody does.

And if my little part helps others feel more confident about getting out there and dating again by showing there's light at the end of the tunnel (and I'm not talking Near Death Experience though a break-up often feels like it) - then by golly, I've achieved my purpose!

And the only reason I started thinking about this today is because I was stuck wondering what kind of blog post I should write when my son said:

"Why don't you talk about Ashley Madison"?

"Who's Ashley Madison?"

But I think I'll leave that for next time...