Well, here we are.
And life is good.
Matter of fact, it’s STELLAR.
It’s been just over two years since I left Indiana and almost three for Ryan.
I’d like to say I jumped back into life upon my return with renewed vim and vigour but lying is bad karma.
Besides, you don’t sleep on your parents’ living room sofa for eight months and not question what happened that put you in a position about as far removed from your prime earning potential as humanly possible.
You don’t return from playing ‘survival of the fittest’ for four years in another country to start a new life again in your old one with only a duffle bag of stuff to your name and think that what happened was okay or think you can just ‘pick up where you left off’.
It doesn’t work like that.
And no one in their right mind spends whatever remaining money they had left to ship completely useless law books home (because the thought of throwing them out was out of the question given the personal sacrifices made to learn what was in them even if it was a losing proposition) and remotely believe there was any purpose to anything they had ever done.
Nope.
You can’t go through all that and not spend time wondering how you failed so miserably when really all you did was follow the signs and follow through on everything.
I felt like the biggest loser on the planet.
And it wasn’t any easier for Ryan.
The problem was I always taught the boys that life had meaning. Regardless of whether circumstances pointed to Chaos as the underlying ‘order’of things.
I believed that we were directly responsible for the lot in our lives - whatever it may be - and that we existed as co-creators with ‘God’/The Universal Good (or at the very least, the rules of quantum physics).
And I still do. But maybe not in quite the same way.
At the time, I think Ryan believed me too - that’s why he was willing to stick it out the way he did.
He was certain that if he did his part, everything would fall into place (at least that was the theory).
He was so sure of his destiny that when he got injured in his senior year, he would sneak into Ames Field in the middle of the night to have a heart-to-heart with the Big Guy and ask him to get on with the business of healing him because he "had things to do" and the game wasn’t over yet.
After all there was a little thing called FREE WILL and as far as we were both concerned we had chosen wisely because we had followed the SIGNS left by God himself.
How could the Universe not support us all the way?
Does God want me to be here? Sure he does. I ended up in law school because I happened to pull weeds for a law professor. I got a job in Chicago because I happened to take a comedy writing class with a writer who inadvertently ‘hooked me up’ with a job. I got another job with a couple I used to serve at a restaurant. And every time it looked like the chips were down, some wonderful friend, citizen or pure stranger stepped in to offer their support, or their home, or their undying faith in Ryan's destiny.
So we kept at it.
We kept at it until we had both painted ourselves into a corner with no way out but North.
And here we are.
After recovering psychologically for almost a year, I took a good look in the spiritual mirror and asked myself:
“Does everything happen for a reason? Really?”
And I discovered the answer was a little different than what I originally thought it was, as I came to the conclusion that:
EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON IF YOU WANT IT TO
And it does to me.
Because that’s what gives me hope and faith and reason.
I choose to believe that everything happens for a reason the same way I choose how I respond to every obstacle, setback, and shitty day that comes across my path - I get up again.
And again. And again. And again.
And I choose to view it as an opportunity for learning. An opportunity for growth. An opportunity to dig deeper and work on my character.
Ya gotta love Free Will.
Free Will gives you the opportunity to become a better human being.
And if I choose to view it that way, then it must be true.
I think, therefore I am. - Rene Descartes.
It’s all in your head.
The good, the bad, and the ugly.
It’s all in there.
Ryan took his experience and said, “I guess I’m going to give ‘er in school now”.
When he got burned out and thought he was due for a change of scenery to shift his perspective he said:
“I think I need a break. And I’ve always wanted to go to Greece.”
So he did.
As for me?
Well, I’ll fill you in on that next time... welcome to the mid-point of my Six Month Experiment...
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