The importance of rituals - Part I - the general idea

Rituals are the cornerstone of our civilization.

And what's more, we are surrounded by evidence of ritualistic functions all around us. They appear constantly in our day-to-day lives and their importance cannot be overstated.

Whether we are aware of them or not however, is another matter. We partake in most rituals because it's a social expectation.

In other words, we do it, because that's what people do.

We all know the big ones - birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, funerals...

These 'official' proceedings mark beginnings, endings, and offer signposts when dates pertaining to other memories fail us - a practicality more valuable with each passing year.

Unrelated events surrounding the date of someone's birth, death, marriage or even divorce are remembered with greater clarity because of them.

They're like the markers of our lives.

But those are just some of the ones that denote us as a civilized species.

There are other rituals that bind us even closer and serve a multitude of functions from acknowledging our interdependence to expressing milestones of personal growth.

These rituals are void of pomp and circumstance yet are no less vital in the grand scheme of things...like;

Going for coffee.

Funny as it sounds, I learned this from a brilliant English prof I once had. And to prove his point, he simply said:

"Think about it. Nobody says, 'Do you want to go for a soft drink?', they say, 'Let's go for coffee' because it's one of our rituals. It doesn't matter if you go for beer or if one of you has tea instead. That's not the point."

Suddenly, I knew what he meant. And it was one of the most significant learning experiences of my life.

In that moment, I realized the true significance of rituals and their importance in our society.

I understood that rituals are a collective standard by which we connect with one another. It means far more than its outer shell reveals.

For instance,'Going for coffee' really means:

'Let's catch up', 'I want to talk with you', 'I need to see you', 'I miss you' and 'I care'...

ie: 'Let's connect.'

Our lives are filled with these.

We have 'movie night', 'date night' - specific times we set aside regularly for doing things with certain people that give our lives meaning, yet don't actually have any impact on our careers or finances.

But they impact us on a personal one.

And then there are things we do, just for us...

These rituals are all about us honoring the relationship we have with ourselves - and perhaps even the Universe...

When we have a birthday, or graduate from a course we might get a haircut or a 'new look' to mark the beginning of a new era. Why not stay with an old look? Or wear that gorgeous dress we already own?

Because we honor the new. We are making a statement with our choices about where we've come from and where we're going.

And sometimes it works both ways - to mark the good things, and to put the past behind us.

We'll get a new look after we've dealt with a bad break-up as a sign that we are ready to begin anew...

We get new shoes for a hot date (or to forget the old one), find a new outfit for that important party (where someone we want will be there or perhaps someone we don't want to see), get a manicure, or buy a new shade of lipstick.

When we decide to quit smoking or join a gym, we don't do it randomly.

We pick a date, mark the upcoming event and count down the days.

Who quits smoking on a Friday?

Nobody.

Chances are, they picked a more significant date like:

... the first of January... at the beginning of next month... on my birthday... as soon as the holidays are over... when I'm finished this project... after my last exam... or even... on Monday - the start of the week...

Whether we are aware of it or not, we turn the things that mean something to us into a ritual.

Today, I cut my hair and colored it. Normally I would have done it in time for my birthday but I was too sick to bother. And I did it myself... as I always do.

It's part of my ritual...

But for all the rituals we participate in - every single one of us - we often neglect the introspective ones that count the most.

While we're busy with our new looks, our obsession with dates, and our long-term plans, sometimes, we forget that our own birthdays and the end of each year are also a time for personal reflection... one done without the fanfare of cakes and candles, parties and alcohol...

(Not that I'm against a good party or consuming alcohol)

All I'm saying is it's important to implement personal rituals that are specifically designed to help us grow in awareness of who we are.

And that means formally acknowledging where we've been, where we are, and where we want to go in life...

and next time, I'll share what it is I did for twenty minutes on my birthday and what I plan to do on New Year's Eve.

And just remember, there are no rules...

It's whatever floats your boat...

Kingsman Jackpot Bingo, Bernard Callebaut and random thoughts...

Some people go shopping on Boxing Day.

Others, well, they have more 'family' to visit, more turkey to gobble up, and more bevvies to consume.

And if you're Ukrainian, the party's only just beginning.

But me?

I played Kinsman Jackpot Bingo.

Yep. You heard right.

I think it might be the oldest Bingo game in Manitoba. Maybe THE WORLD, because as y'all know, I had a birthday just yesterday and that officially makes me old as dirt so I know these things.

(Unless dirt is new, then that just makes me a liar.)

In any case, I was four numbers away from a full house and a two thousand dollar jackpot. That is, until some jackass called in and claimed the prize.

(Cheater)

But then again, I hear that happens all the time. (Being four numbers away that is, not the cheating part).

That would drive me crazy week after week. I would develop a tick.

And although it was fun watching my Dad find and stamp his numbers like a bingo sharp-shooting champ while yelling "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT LAST NUMBER AGAIN"??? every single time, I was worried.

Not for him. He's got life down pat.

But for me.

Yep it was fun.

But it's also Saturday night.

I should be out. But I'm playing bingo.

I am however, still recovering physically from something in my chest that's acting like a recently divorced relative pretending to visit for the weekend while they're dragging 3 suitcases and two trunks through your front door.

It feels like it's never leaving. And it's wiped me out. So Bingo was right up my alley.

Don't get me wrong. Being sick doesn't bother me. Not going out doesn't bother me. Oh no, it's far worse than that when you're a control freak.

It's not having the choice that's irritating me.

I feel the way a shopaholic might feel following a nightmare that all the stores are closed on Boxing day.

I'm not well enough to leave my place for a couple of days. It's in my best interest to stay put. And really, I like staying put... when it's self-imposed and not externally, like from some stupid bronchitis.

pshaw.

But yesteray was grand...

Dinner was fab... French Seafood boullabaise... enough shrimp preceding to satisfy a beluga whale, and Mexican Payaya which is a combination of seafood, meats and saffron rice.

I always want to call it Mexican peyote, but that's a drug and we don't do that in my family.

Although it might spice things up during Kingsman Jackpot Bingo. But I digress.

I confess I have this tendency to call things by wrong names. It's becoming a problem...

Like... I call Bernard Callebaut chocolates Maurice Chevalier chocolates as if the terms are interchangeable, which somehow makes me think I should be reading mentally stimulating material more often as I think my brain is getting lazy.

And I refuse to say the name properly because I like the one I chose better.

Like I said, I'm a control freak.

And for those of you unfamiliar with Bernard's chocolaterie (as I was until about two months ago), here's their website:

http://www.bernardcallebaut.com/

Worth trying to be sure, but frankly, if I had to pick, I'd rather buy shoes at Winner's for fifty bucks than spend it on something that's going to make me gain the weight I'm constantly trying to lose.

That's just cruel.

The truth of the matter is, when I get a box of them they don't last the day.

On top of being a control freak, I have no self-control...

And I'm whiny.
And i'm down on myself today.

But it's all good because tomorrow is a new day and I'm going to talk about the importance of ritual. I always do something on my birthday and again on New Year's. Similar stuff... most people don't understand the significance of ritual.

It's the mark of a civilized society... and I'm going to explain why...

A demain...
for now, I'm going to dream about Maurice Chevalier and the wonderful chocolates he makes.

xox

Happy EX-mas Eve! and other things we are grateful for

This can be an intense time of year for some...

And as much as I can come off sounding like hard-core Xmas Beatch, (making fun of the whole do it like the Jones's shopping frenzy), I'm also part n' parcel with the whole drink like you love Jesus crowd.

Which I do. Drink and love, that is. (Drink in moderation, Love in excess)

I love Jesus, Buddha, Krishnamurti, and all the rest who advocated a philosophy of peace in this crazy world. I'm not biased.

But, the Messiah and I do share a birthday. So we're like... twins.

Oh yeah, it wasn't easy growing up Catholic with a bday on the 25th of December. I felt guilty for EVERYTHING.

I'll never forget using the F word for the first time...

...that was bad enough, but it took me years before I could expropriate the phrase Jesus Christ! for a really effective vent and not squeeze my eyes closed and cringe in preparation for the worst - like being whisked away to hell at any moment for my blasphemy.

But just like those Virgnia Slims ads used to say: "You've come a long way Baby".

Now, when something really ridiculous happens in my life and it suddenly dawns upon me that I've been "blessed" with yet another lesson (lucky me), I can now look up to the sky and declare:

What the fuck? AGAIN? Jesus Christ, haven't you guys had enough fun at my expense yet??? ...

...without so much as flinching.

But it's all good.

Because ironically, my relationship with the Divine has increased exponentially with every lesson learned, and so the intent behind my blasphemy is infused with humor, knowing it's all going to turn out alright in the end.

I talk to the Divine the way you'd talk to your sister when she calls you out on something you did that was really stupid and although you want to be mad as hell at her for it, (because you're so busted), you know she's right so it lacks that "I'm gonna kick your ass for saying that" factor.

So as I enter the eve of my birthday, I begin to reflect on Christmases past, present and future, knowing like me, they only get better with every passing year.

Like my swearing factor, I've become more relaxed about the process of life in general.

So prepping for the holidays?

Well, that's a piece o' birthday cake.

I'm surrounded by people I love - gone are the days when I didn't think I'd make it through the holiday season alive, (and I mean literally) because tensions were so high with an ex who simply could not fathom what a normal life was, he would violently wreck anything good that existed around him.

Festivities were the worst.

He couldn't help it. He simply had insecurities so deep buffered by a mental illness so twisted that anything resembling normal or fun set him off on a rampage and I was often the target.

Like I said, I'm lucky to be alive.

So with each passing year, instead of worrying that I'm one year older, with one wrinkle more, I look up to the sky and say:

"Holy Fuck. Am I one lucky son-of-a-bitch or what?... Christ Almighty, but it's been a good year! Thanks for keeping me alive way back when..."

...and toast to the Divine...

-----

May your celebrations be immersed in love, kindness, a kick back attitude and rockin' good times

Home Remedies and how to have fun with an adverse reaction

I'm sick.

Feels like bronchitis. I don't mind the timing frankly, as it's making me less inclined to shop at the last minute.

Wait. That's not true. I go anyway and just make bad wheezing noises when I stand in line for an hour.

However, it's a great tool for remembering how much the people around me care.

Sometimes too much.

I will get great recipes from all sorts of people (or hear about remedies and cure-alls) and will try them ALL in the hopes that one or another (or a combination thereof) will be miraculously beneficial for my health.

And I do. (Try them ALL that is).

I've never been one to shrink at experimenting with natural remedies on myself regardless of how bad they taste or how little I understand the possible effects.

I'll give you an example...

About two months ago, I watched a great independent film called Food Matters.

It's about the drug industry, natural remedies, and the truth about what goes on behind closed doors and how if we aren't careful, we'll end up worse than before we got sick, and that the food we choose is more important than we know...

(Sort of a Michael Moore meets Super-Size Me on the pharmaceutical industry).

Anyway, in the movie they talked about the benefits of niacin.

For those of you whose only familiarity with niacin rivals mine - ie; it's one of the essential vitamins in Corn Flakes - nicain is a B vitamin that aids in lowering cholesterol (among other things) and has proved itself useful in alleviating depression, improving memory, circulation, blah blah blah.

And its benefits haven't fully been explored.

I'm thinking, 'great! I'm getting older, I should be taking this for my brain'!

So off I went to the vitamin section of my local store and got me some.

(I know that's not proper English but given what I am about to tell you, I deserve to sound like a hick.)

Where was I? Oh yeah... I get home, and without even reading the directions, down TWO on an empty stomach.

(You'd think it was going to cure me of bad dates or something).

But I thought, it's a VITAMIN - how bad could it be? I take chinese herbs that are so mild you can take between like, 6 and 30 pills a day and it hardly makes a difference.

(At least the ones I take).

Anywho, I forget about it and pop into the shower, and contemplate what I'm going to make for dinner as a friend of mine is dropping over.

About 20 minutes go by and my scalp starts to get itchy.

Followed by EVERY part of my body.

And then it starts to burn. And I mean, like someone lit 10,000 matches and held them all one millimeter above my skin.

I look at my arms and they are changing shades into a crimson red before my very eyes.

Think BEET RED. BLOOD RED. LOBSTER RED. CORVETTE RED.

TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE RED.

I look Like I'd been at Grand Beach on a hot summer day when it was 35 celsius out (that's 90 plus for you non-metric folks) without a drop of suntan oil and no shade as far as the eyes could see.

Ever see what happened to Clint Eastwood in the movie, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly when Ugly forced him to walk through the desert and then left him for dead?

Yeah, that's where I thought I was headed.

I rushed to the bathroom mirror and looked.

Not good.

I went to my bedroom mirror - and got the full length effect.

By now I had stripped down to nothing, turned around, looked at my ass and realized, I HAD NO TAN LINES!

I was a tomato. A VERY RIPE TOMATO that was ON FIRE.

So I headed straight to the shower, turned on the cold water and let it run over my body which was not only itchy, but so hot there was steam coming off it, while I tried in vain to think over and over again:

'What the hell did I eat that caused such an allergic reaction'???

Dumbass.

But that's not the weird part.

While all this was going on, I discovered something interesting about myself...

I am a sick scientific type beneath it all.

Because at one point, I actually looked in the mirror and thought:

'WOW. This is AMAZING! I can't believe how bloody red I am! And it's so EVENLY DISTRIBUTED!

and...

'I wonder if this is what happens to people just before they internally combust'?

... because I had read somewhere in my youth about cases of spontaneous internal combustion that were a medical mystery - these people just kind of burned up from the inside out until they blew up and that's what I thought was going to happen to me...

'If I wasn't so freaked out, this would be really cool!'

And then I made my peace with God.

Then I picked up the phone and called my friend who was due to arrive in about an hour and said (while standing there stark naked looking at my Ripley's Believe it or Not body:

"Hey, would you uh... mind coming over a little sooner? I think... well... I've had this bad reaction to something, and... if it gets any worse, you might have to take me to emerg... unless you're busy of course..."

And that's when it hit me.

It was the NIACIN!

(Move over Nancy Drew)

"I gotta go. Call you right back!"

"Wait! What...?"

CLICK

The Internet is a beautiful thing.

What I had was a niacin flush.

Only then, did I read the directions on my bottle.

Take one tablet maximum per day and only on a full stomach.

I had taken two, on an empty one.

A medical advice column on the internet even suggested starting with just half.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

But knowing I was not going to die only heightened my curiosity.

Knowing I had between 20 minutes and an hour or more to endure of this condition, gave me lots of time to revel in the anomaly I had suddenly become and research what was going on inside of my body.

All of my capilaries had expanded at the same time. So my blood vessels were bigger and better than ever! I was a super hero!

No wonder it's good for your circulation.

So I called my friend back:

"You should really come over now. You've just gotta see this before it fades. It's the damndest thing!"

Yeah, I'm a sick puppy.

-----
So when my lovely friend and building manager tells me a shot of his famous Brazilian tequila will kill whatever infection I have, I take it.

Hell, I take TWO!

When my stepmom makes me a concoction of finely chopped red onions doused in sugar and left on the window sill to ferment for a few hours, I drink it.

When my American Monk friend sends me a flu recipe made of basil, ginger root, cloves, cinnamon bark, peppermint, cardamon, turmeric and rock salt, I make it n' take it.

When I read that you can think whatever ills you have away if you just try hard enough, I try that too.

And I try to figure out what wrong thinking caused me to get sick in the first place.

But I'll leave that one for another time...

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got onion breath to wash out of my mouth...

(p.s. - the monk recipe works)

I AM NOT A GIANT NIPPLE and other mantras to get you through the holidays

I love this time of year.

Once I learn how to distinguish my true feelings from everyone else's panic, frustration, guilt, misguided sense of obligation and debt-conscious gift-giving, I'm downright giddy.

Once everyone sits down and finally eats, then plays cards (or Wii), it's actually fun. (I can't wait to kick some kanassta ASS again this year). But the build up (or as I like to call it, the 'guilt-up') is not.

I don't know what's worse...

Having the money to do Xmas like you've actually got the income to pay off your credit card bill in less than a year (only to do it all over again), or not having any and wishing you could give the people you love everything because they deserve it?

hmmm.

But I'm a practical person. And a dreamer.

I'll take option two over the process of gift-giving then resenting your payments. They're just gonna have to live with that bubble bath package from dollarama.

Besides, once this six month experiment goes the way I want, I'll be paying CASH ONLY for my purchases thank-you-very-much.

In the meantime, I will manage beautifully.

And I am not - I repeat NOT - letting the stresses or "Woe is me and all the work I have to do to get ready for Christmas" brigade ruin my fun and frolic this holiday season.

And FYI, I'm not talking about my family (though I've heard bah humbug grumblings ripple through the ranks of my hard-core sons and their look-how-they-suck-us-in-those-commericalized-economy-driven-bastards attitudes).

Thank God they have Xmas Nazi girlfriends to balance them out.

But I've heard stories...

The kind that ripple through the grapevine of love and work and family and extended family and neighbors and buildings and come out of the mouths of the person standing next to you in line at Walmart confiding to their best friend about how much they secretly 'hate Christmas' and all the sordid details recounting exactly why.

It's the stress.

Not just the gift-giving part, but who's house you have to go to and when, and who really wants you there and if you don't drop by, you'll get an icy stare so deadly the next time you go over, you'll believe what quantum physics says about thoughts being real because you'll break out into a rash right then and there.

Gift-giving is one type of stress. The other, is pleasing EVERYONE.

So, in the true spirit of someone who is drinking wine at 3 pm on a Tuesday for no reason at all, (except that she can), here are a few lines you can use on your family and friends when their guilt or expectations exceed your ability to tolerate your very existence and find you begging for an end to the holidays (and wishing for a New Year's party so raucous that you will forget what transpired in the weeks before).

Here goes nothin'...

1. For the people who tell you all their family troubles and about all the unwanted but obligatory invitees they must tolerate during dinner just because it's xmas:

I AM NOT A GIANT NIPPLE. STOP SUCKIN THE LIFE OUT OF ME.

2. For family who wants you there not one, not two, but THREE days in a row:

"I AM NOT COMING TO YOUR HOUSE THREE DAYS IN A ROW. Was Mary in labor for 3 days? I THINK NOT. Otherwise Jesus's birthday would be on THE 24TH, THE 25TH AND BOXING DAY. AND IT ISN'T! Capice?"

3. For people who actually don't like their gift, tell you and want to know if you have a 'gift receipt':

No. But don't worry about it - I LOVE what I got you! while you rip it out of their hands with a big smile on your face.

4. For people who guilt you because you weren't around to 'decorate the tree':

So undecorate it. I'll do it. Just let me get grab a bottle of Jaegermeister from the liquor store first. brb. And NEVER RETURN.

5. For people who complain about all the cooking they have to do and how tired they will be:

Don't say anything. Just start making martinis, crank up some spicy dance music and get them roaring drunk. By the time dinner's over they'll be passed out from the tryptophan in the turkey and won't remember a damn thing.

6. For people who can't have Xmas without their cinnamon buns (because apparently they there IS no Xmas without cinnamon buns")

Get some gum. Or Cinnamon schnapps. That's WAY better than sticky buns. (And probably more calories - trust me, I know).

-----

and that's just for starters...

over the next few days, don't worry... I'll give you so much ammo to defend yourself over the holidays, you'll be dying to mix it up with anyone and everyone! :)

CHEERS!