"Acting as if" - How the Adventure Played Out

Since the Audi dealership was on the way to BMW, it was my AP's turn to go first. Besides, she was better than me at acting "as if" - I had seen her do it before - so I needed to see how things were done.

I parked my car in the adjacent lot and we walked up to the Audi showroom. I had my camera up the left sleeve of my jacket ready to capture an "as if" snapshot at a moment's notice.

When the salesman approached us, I watched in awe as my normally soft-spoken AP pulled off an Oscar-worthy performance, as she (without so much as batting an eyelash) asked the friendly salesman if he had an Audi "cab" she could look at somewhere on the premises.

"Someone just took it out for a test drive. They should be back in about twenty minutes if you care to do the same."

"That would be nice", she said.

Please God, no.I thought.

It is my firm belief that at that moment, the Gods heard me and set up a traffic jam to prevent such an occurrence as this vehicle never made it back in time before we left.

Once we were actually in the showroom, I bantered far too much with the salesman (a transparent ploy to hide my nervousness) as my AP gracefully climbed behind the wheel of a vehicle that vastly exceeded my yearly earnings and asked me to take a photo of her from every angle.

Every angle???All I could think was they would suspect we were setting things up for a B & E Hollywood style like bank robbers do with hidden cameras before a heist.

But, never to cower before a challenge, I proceeded to tell the salesman an 'insider's' tidbit - "She just wants to see how she looks in it before she buys. She thinks black washes her out - she's an 'autumn'" and looked at him with that 'you know' to emphasize that innate fashion sense every woman is born with.

Much to my relief, it worked. We left shortly thereafter but not before my AP promised the salesman she would be in touch by Tuesday if she was interested to discuss her order.

Nice touch.

Now it was my turn.

As we made the trek to BMW, as good as I felt and as valuable as I found this exercise to be, there was NO WAY ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH I could legitimately pretend I was buying a Beamer.

The best I could muster was "Just looking". And on that note, I wasn't budging.

I had to work my way up to the extreme role-playing mode until such a time as the thought that God might smote me down for such folly was completely eradicated from my mind.

The way I saw it, guilt was bound to defeat the prupose of this exercise. Better to start small, then go big over time. I was after all, only in the process of building up to the belief that I was worth it. On many levels, my AP was already there.

So we compromised.

I found my chosen convertible BMW cabriolet in the parking lot and meekly asked my AP if she could take my picture leaning against it so we could call it a day and go for beer n' Nachos. I was starving.

NO

So we entered the showroom guided by a devilishly handsome salesman with a dry sense of humor who knew the ins and outs of the BMW body the way bunnies do the Playboy Mansion. He then explained that "BMW owners are a fun, active lot, who seem to enjoy life more than most".

That's me! This is good! I could feel my comfort level rising. Keep talkin'.

And that's when I saw it:

the 2010 BMW 6 series Cabriolet in black.

Her top was down and she was calling me.

We stepped towards the car and suddenly the grin on my face was unmistakeable. As the salesman went to his office to fetch the brochure my AP asked him to get for me, she turned to me and said:

"Get in."

With some trepidation, I climbed into the driver's seat cognizant of the fact that I was only there for the experience and looked around me at all the gadgets wondering if it would ever feel the way it did for my AP back at Audi.

Slowly, I realized - She was beautiful.

Before I knew it, I had run my finger across the real wood finishing, gently caressed the heated steering wheel with awe, and stroked the leather seats that I was now convinced were mine.

Oh yeah babi. I was all over it.

By the time the salesman had returned with my glossy brochure, my AP had taken four shots of me in the car from various angles. But I was in my own little world.

As the salesman opened the car door and smiled down at me, there was only one thing on my mind. I turned to him and said:

"Does it come in white?"

I was hooked.

And I finally accepted that I was having fun. I felt like a kid in a candy store.

Suddenly it was easy to let the salesman talk about all the features of each car and tell me in great detail about the craftsmanship and engineering genius of BMW and the color combinations available in each series, because I was genuinely interested in a way that exceeded mere curiosity.

I was relegating this information to memory for future use. For my future self. And I was as giddy as a school girl experiencing the joy of her first crush.

Yes indeed. In that moment, I OWNED my future self. And it felt great.

By the end of our little adventure, I was sold on a white, Series 6 BMW Convertible Cabriolet with a tan top and tan interior. Or "at the very least", I told my new 'friend', "I'm going to lease one some day soon." and meant it.

Piece o' cake.

Next - Celebrating the half-way point - Where do we go from here.

Acting "As If" - the morning set-up

I woke up Saturday with the sore throat I had been fighting all week and said to myself: As if! Not today of all days!

...and decided right then and there that nothing, and I mean nothing was about to distract me from the task at hand.

So I prepared.

I knew I had some time before I had to pick up my AP and thought I should get into character from the get-go.

So after winding myself up to a degree of enthusiasm exceeded only by the jackpot winnner of the nickel slots in Vegas, I managed to choke down two cups of a Tibetan tea recipe that challenged my gag reflex but knocked my startled virus into different time zone.

Happy with my progress thus far, I set about thinking:

Today is all about me. So what would make me happy?

Well, the sun for one thing.

It had been unusually cloudy of late and frankly that was starting to piss me off. Not that I suffer from S.A.D. or anything but a sunny day is like medicine for the soul. So I decided I was going to get me some.

I hit a tannning salon for 8 minutes of glorious manmade UVA rays and imagined I was in Hawaii catching a few while waiting for my surfing lesson to start.

Then I washed my car. After all, if I'm about to trade it in for a BMW, I would make sure it was clean!

Then I went to the store and picked up a box of organic green mix (not something I normally do as it's pricier) and then adamantly refused to buy the option 2 box of chicken I wanted as this was after all, suppose to be a day when one does not settle for second best. So I didn't.

Yep, I am proud to say I silenced the bargain shopper in me faster than the mob silences the idiot who leaves a witness protection program of their own volition.

Then I went to the gym. Great workout. Not too much, just enough to feel good, not sore or strained.

Came home, showered, napped briefly, changed, grabbed my camera and left.

So far, it was the perfect day.

First stop - Audi

Virtual visualization

It's "Act as If" day tomorrow.

And I'm going shopping for a Beamer.

That's right. I'm going window car shopping with my AP as part of the Six Month Experiment.

You can't get what you want out of life without a combination of planning, hard work and some seriously kick-ass visualization techniques. And if you can't have a little fun doing it, what's the point?

Now I have to admit that I originally found the thought of doing this mortifying.

If I lived in a big city like Chicago, I could care less about walking into a dealership and telling someone I want to "test drive your new BMW Convertible Cabriolet".

I'd take 'er for a spin, drop 'er back off and never be seen again.

But this place is like living in a fishbowl. I mean, if I can run into my son and his friends at the entrance to Carlos n' Murphy's on a Friday night, chances are...

So here I was, practically arguing with my AP about how I was, "Fine doing this as long as I can tell them it's part of the Experiment" while she is telling me, "If you do that, then you're missing the whole point! You're suppose to be acting as if. Telling them defeats the purpose. We don't have to tell them anything."

She finally agreed that I could tell them I was 'just looking.' However, it's one thing to tell that to a clerk at a shoe store and quite another to tell a finely tuned salesman at a pricey car dealership.

But the kicker is, I have to get behind the wheel of the damn thing in a showroom while my AP takes my picture for a dream board (our follow-up activity).

Now THAT should be interesting.

And it's not that I actually want a Beamer - though there is something enticing about the coupe's carbon-fiber roof, which keeps weight down to less than that of the M5 by about 100 pounds, or that seven-speed sequential manual gearbox which can pop off shifts in the blink of an eye -rather, it's getting comfortable with the idea that you deserve one.

Or for that matter, anything else that comes your way as a result of hard work and dedication. Enjoying the fruits of your labor is an art.

It's all about accepting success as part of your life. And when you're not accustomed to it, that can be a hard egg to crack no matter how much you think you deserve it or how hard you've worked for it.

A good AP knows these things about you.

So what does she do today? Buys me the Exotic Car Magazine Buyer's Guide 2010 with a Lamborghini on the front cover and says: Your BMW M6 is on p. 50.

Looks like we're going tomorrow.

But I know it's all for the best and part of my reintegration to an abundant frame of mind. And it's an absolutely essential part of the manifesting process. Because if you're not ready for it, you'll never be able to hang on to it.

In Success Principles Jack talks about a Come as you will be 5 years from now party he once attended as part of an exercise in visualization.

I realized that the people who had those dreams were just like me. And every single one of them who attended that celebratory bash as the best version of themselves, went on to achieve all they had pretended to that evening and more.

Every single one.

Including a duo of women who imagined they were best-selling authors but had not yet even written the outline for their book.

I don't know about you, but I find that inspiring. And I'm one step ahead.

So before I lay out how I'm going to up my game for the next 3 months, (two posts from now) I'm going to spend tomorrow plowing through some blocks by acting 'as if' everything I ever dreamed of being, doing, or having was currently possible in this, present moment.

After all, it's the only one that exists...

coming soon: Tales from a day As If

Deep Thoughts - taking stock and celebrating successes

Ever heard any Jack Handy quotes?

"I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea but it's just eggs hatching.”

Yep. That's what I'm talkin' about. Me n' Jack are on the same page.

Like maybe all these crazy ideas I've ever had in my life are because some weird creature from the insect kingdom decided to play hide the salami in my ear with its consort one starry night (when I had too many glasses of Merlot and couldn't feel anything) and its night of passion resulted in one egg too many making its way into my brain and leaning heavily on a nearby synapse, producing random firings in the wrong directions.

And chi-ching! Walla. I think I'll write a screenplay. Don't have a clue how, nor do I know what to do with it after, but I'll figure it out as I go a long!

Chi-ching! I think I'll write the LSAT and go to law school. Don't know how I'm going to work out living expenses but I'll figure it out as I go along!

Chi-ching! I think I'll move to another country for a guy who I know deep down inside can't commit to a dentist appointment, never mind a relationship. (whoa - that might be two synapses misfiring). Nevermind. I'll figure it out as I go along.

I've had so many misfirings I should be charged with possession of a faulty firearm.

And there are so many such examples in my life, it became a running joke in my dating profile:

Warning: I can't make a small decision to save my life (like what to order for dinner) but I make life-changing ones with great abandon. Marry me.

So perhaps what I think is a genius idea (and God help you if you try to talk me out of it) is just another synapse misfiring. The effect? I lack a little thing called long-term planning.

And that's why this book is going to work and the Six Month Experiment will be a success. I'm all out of synapses.

(Wait, that doesn't sound right).

Oh yeah, this time I have a plan. A long term, give-up-when-I-drop plan with a proven track record of success.

In spite of what felt like a slow month, the last three months were surprisingly productive once I really had a chance to review things.

Just goes to show you how important it is to track your progress and take note of all your mini-successes. If you don't, you risk giving up because you feel you can't see your progress when really, it's going down behind the scenes.

So at the risk of sounding like I'm tooting my own horn, (when normally no one would see this but me, but this bloody blog is like making one of those finger-cutting blood contracts with the universe), here goes...

In the last 3 months... in the categories of finances, career, recreation, health and fitness, personal relationships, personal development and contribution to society (and in no particular order):

Finances:

I'm subbing again full-time and my finances are improving - I'm taking care of bills. (Nowhere near where I want to be, but it's all good). I'm secure and pleased that I did not take a term teaching contract as this would have taken up too much of my time and energy and left nothing to focus on the bigger picture.

I bought a better car by doing business with someone I knew and trusted and with whom I could make affordable financial arrangements.

Career:

When I started this experiment, about 60% of the book was written. I finished the rest by working on it non-stop between July 26 and September 7. And I mean every single day sometimes for twelve hours.

I spent the following week perfecting my query letter and working on a good proposal. Within 10 days I had sent out 34 inquiries to various agencies requesting representation. Within two weeks I had an offer of representation.

I now have a literary agent.

I began to outline chapters of the next book and figured out a series. I am now tossing around ideas for a Romantic Comedy screenplay.

I bought two domain names with the intent of setting up a website. Met with a guy who had some ideas. That's still in the works, which reminds me - Roy, call me.

The blog and book got a plug on a radio show which is great for promotional purposes and support. Thank-you Indiana!

I now have a fan-based web page on facebook. Feel free to sign up. Thanks Ryan. :P)

Recreation:

Hmmm. Well... I haven't taken those surfing lessons yet or made it to Bali, but I have had some seriously intense laughing fits with my AP and played Kanasta with the family while drinking martinis.

Does that count? You're damn right it does, but I'm still going to expand on my 'funness'.

Health and Fitness:

I wanted to go to the gym three times a week. I am going 4-6 and have added strength training to my routine. (I still don't know what I'm doing but I'm trying!). I'm eating better (and that's improving still) but most of all, I feel great.

Personal Relationships:

Relations with the family members are always good (except my mom as she's having one of her hate spells but I have little control over that and we are after all, coming into Halloween so she's off the hook - no pun intended).

I've dated. One day very soon I'll have a blog entry on that without actually saying anything. Just observations. Let's just say I'm still single.

Let's just say I'm listening to my intuition more (and that's HUGE for me).

Anyway, I feel married to the blog for now (and this mission).

I've made some new connections that are conducive to my intent to mix it up with like-minded individuals on a path I like to call "no resistance manifestation". I love it. The more the merrier. There is no such thing as too much good energy. Hi V.

Personal Development:

I've consistently read books and articles that strive to maintain a positive frame of mind - most specifically, Jack's book on which I took notes and the Four-hour Work Week. I've begun to meditate (though it's sporadic) using auditory aids and sometimes mantras. I pulled out my Learning Spanish book and will complete it before the end of the experiment.

And this weekend - the Dream BOARD. Cant' wait. I'll tell you all about it later.

Contribution to Society:

My biggest contribution would be to make it so I can inspire people to do the same. As far as I'm concerned there is an endless supply of abundance for anyone willing to make a plan and give it their all.

So this category is still in the making...

But I'm doing my best to walk my talk. Hang in there with me.

October 18, 2009 - Where I’m at

The first three months was about waking up to your own potential.

The last three months is going to be about owning it.

In little more than a week, I will be at the mid-point of my Six Month Experiment. Almost time to take public stock of my progress.

And all I can think is: I was out of my frakkin’ mind going public with this Life Experiment.

This blog thing is like being in the mob. Once you’re in you can’t get out, ‘cause everybody knows the deal and everyone will know that if you ditch, it means you’re chickening out of a system you can’t handle (and I’m not about to be called ‘yella’ by anyone).

Besides, I set up this game in the first place. I have to abide by my own rules. Win or lose, I’m in for the long haul. It's a life change. (Sigh).

On the upside, there is something about being accountable that gets my adrenaline going. Brings out my competitive nature. On the other hand it could be my ego - maybe I just don’t want to be wrong.

And progress this month feels slow - at least externally - so I’m getting nervous. I have only three months to prove a point.

I don’t expect my life to turn around 180 degrees in six months, but I do expect to set enough of a foundation by then that whatever slips or setbacks I might have after that, will be negligible.

In other words, I’ll be well on my way to a new life, set in a new paradigm.

October’s progress has been difficult to gauge because it felt more like fall cleaning of the mental closet. It’s been more about kicking negative childhood doubts back to Neverland where they belong with Pan and his sycophant fantasy campers who spend their time daydreaming and avoiding reality.

Nobody likes someone who can’t walk their talk. Least of all, me.

And as much as we all want to get on with the business of making huge changes in our lives, old patterns have a nasty habit of jumping up and biting us in the backside when we least expect it.

And the closer we get to our goals, rumor has it, the more we get blasted by our own subconscious self-sabotaging mechanisms. You know, like blowing your chances on purpose because you can’t handle the thought that you might actually deserve something good in your life.

It’s ridiculous. But we all do it.

That’s been my cross this month. And I think I nailed it (no pun intended).

So I better make good on this, or I’m going to look like an idiot.

And on top of it...

As a Canadian I’m in the process of shedding eons of culturally condoned apologetic behaviour known for diminishing the significance of one’s abilities thus conveying an air of acceptance that says, if my ship comes in, it comes in, if it doesn’t it doesn’t - either way it’s okay.

It’s not okay.

It has to come in.

Because I say so.

Tomorrow - Tabulation station - a review of the Seven Principles of Success and my progress thus far.