August 26, 2009 - The One Month Mark. Tally up!

This is it.

It’s been one month since the start of the Six Month Experiment and it’s time to take stock of my progress. (Gulp)

Granted, it started off slowly. Cheating on good eating habits and sticking to a strict information diet (ie; limited Internet surfing and email) has not always been easy.

Though I’ve actually managed the former, the latter has honestly been like pulling healthy teeth that have no business leaving your mouth except that someone’s gotta pay for your dentist’s kids’ private school tuition.

But I sort of forgive myself. Part of it has to do with the work I’m doing (and the necessary research that goes with it) as well as emails commiserating with another writer on the ins and outs of life in the blogosphere.

We give each other kool-aid and band-aid, providing sips of information on how to make a kooler blog and then covering up blisters and blunders as we see them. We tell each other how to set up Adsense and then wonder how in the hell “Green products” ever make it on to our blog when really, we never recycle anything except our feelings.

And now, with no further ado, if you’re interesting in following the real-time adventures of Hollywood screenwriter Jim Makichuk as he tries to get his new indie movie made, go to:

http://www.myfilmproject09.blogspot.com/

As Jim puts it, “It’s all about making movies the hard way” adding quietly, “like there’s any other way.”

And after being up and running for only two days, he’s already got more followers than a diva wearing bling in Central Park at midnight. I’ve been up and running for a month and I’m getting about as much action as a coin-operated vibrating bed in a fishing lodge in the middle of winter when the lake is frozen. But then, I’m just getting started... give me time darlin’... give me time...

And I’m about to bet him that he’ll have all the funds he needs to make his film before the year is out. If I win, I’m offering myself a job working on his movie set. Everybody needs a girl Friday and I’m gonna need some new material for this blog. What better place to get the goods on stars, then make a few extra bucks selling information to Vanity Fair or The Enquirer eh Jimmy?

Just kidding. My kids have student loans. I don’t need the money that badly. Not like my dentist. No siree. I’ve got good old fashioned integrity.

Speaking of which. Back to my one month tally.

I’ve had a helluva run since my last blog entry.

Knowing the end is near (not of the world, of my book), and that I have to ‘report’ following completion of my first month, I put a hemi in my attitude and shifted into high gear on the writing.

As a result, I successfully completed two and half chapters in just four days and succeeded in alienating everyone I know because I’m not answering phones or returning calls.

Such is the life of a writer.

Okay that’s not true. It just sounds better than saying everyone has given me unconditional support and space to do my thing because they know better and I’m no fun to be with right now anyway because I get whiny after a day of trying to be funny on paper with no end in sight and it’s been FOUR.

Save yourselves people, save yourselves.

And now... (drumroll please)....

I am going to list the 7 areas of Success Principles and review my progress in each area to see where I’m at.

I’m nervous. Someone hold my hand. (Where's Miss Universe when you need her)?

1. Money: I have none. Perfect. But I’m not really going out either so I’m in a holding pattern. Which is good. I’ve got my Maslow’s hierarchy of basic needs met so that I can concentrate on writing the book and surviving until subbing kicks in. And it’s working. Beautiful. CHECK!

2. Career: I have one. At least I used to. Teaching. Sort of. At least that’s what I did last year. I’m in transition to being a full-time writer and working diligently at it. I’ve been working on this book (gathering data, research, writing, etc.) since January while also working full-time and then some.

At the start of this experiment (July 26th), I had about 60% of the book complete. One month later, I am at 80%.

My goal is to finish the book by Monday, August 31st, which is somewhat unrealistic, but I’m going to do it anyway. To hell with bad odds. Or bad breath for that matter. Or body odor. Showering is not exactly a priority right now. But I don’t care, because this part is the biggest piece and I’ve got my priorities straight.

All systems go. So far, so good.

Oh yeah, and I started this blog. Nice. Love the blog. Love you guys for reading it.

3. Relationships: What relationships? I don’t even answer my phone half the time. Kids? They don’t complain. They know better. Dating? I’m taking the 5th on that one. Not ready. No siree and none of your business. Not that there’s been any funny business. There’s no time. Besides I got that whole showering thing working against me.

4. Health and Wellness: So far, I’ve been at the gym a minimum of four days a week since this project began. I might not know how to use all those machines yet but I swear that twenty minute workout is helping.

Interval training rocks!

I am like the energizer bunny. Though I must admit to having strange bursts of conversations with perfect strangers who do things I would normally consider impossible with medicine balls and then I say things like, “Holy **it! I didn’t know the human body could DO that! Nice job there Atlas.”

As for that little meditation thing I was suppose to start? Not so much. I did however, set up a chair in a corner and look at it longingly. It’s a start.

5. Recreation and Fun: All the time. But it’s low maintenance fun. I don’t really do anything except watch the odd movie for relief, cook, and go to the gym. But I do laugh every chance I get. And that seems to be quite a bit - especially with my AP and usually at myself. And I’ve been on a few dates. I admit it.

6. Personal Goals: I still have to sign up for Spanish II this fall. And I did get that new little car - the Silver Bullet. Feel way safer in it and am confident it will make it through our gruelling winters.

And I did learn about blogs. So that part’s cool.

I don’t know where exactly I’m going to fit in surfing lessons but I’ll figure that out as I go along.

7. Contributions to Society: I smile at everyone on the street. Does that count? I can’t help it. They always look me in the eye. Sometimes I think I must walk around with spinach stuck in my teeth or something but it’s bigger than that. Maybe it’s black pepper.

Thus marks the end of the first month of the Six Month Experiment.

All in all, I’d say it went pretty darn well, wouldn’t you?

I’ll be back in a few days. I’ll let you know where I’m at with the book by Sunday, August 30th.

Until then... keep a chin up. It’s only gonna get better and easier from here on out....

I bet my blog on it...
------

August 22, 2009 - Blog withdrawals, big moments and loving the accountability partnership

It’s been a few days and I’m going through blog withdrawals.

But I’m happy to report I have already been to the gym four times this week. It feels great. Have I said how much I love having an accountability partner?

I love my AP.

She called the other day and we were both avoiding the gym issue (the white elephant in the room in the midst of a completely meaningless conversation) when in the middle of a sentence she said:

“I’ll be there in 5. Be downstairs.”

“FINE.” I said irritated but secretly pleased that someone had called me on it.
Because we have an agreement.

It isn’t enough just to have an accountability partner. When they call and suggest something you should be doing, you have to do it. If they call to ask you that question the answer to which informs them whether you’re actually doing what you’re suppose to be doing, you can’t lie. Because you are accountable to them. And on some cosmic level, you’ve signed a waiver granting them full permission to be the official ball-buster of your life.

Some days this person you’ve just entrusted to kick your ass on a regular basis starts to feel more like an AB (Accountability Bitch) than an AP but that’s the beauty of it. It’s like making a pact with the devil. You know what the deal is and you’ve promised to sacrifice the one thing that means more than anything to see your goal through to the end. With the devil it’s your soul. With an accountability partner it’s giving up that inherent desire to be a happy sloth doing what you do best on days when you “just don’t feel like it” - nothing. (Damned be to anyone who tells you, you can’t enjoy a movie marathon with enough pizza, coke and popcorn at your side to satisfy a room full of teenage boys).

And the worst part (or best depending on how you look at it) is you have to take it in the chin because it’s meant to be constructive - ie; without a hint of dagger - and therefore said with your best interests in mind. But at least it works both ways.

One day, my AP asked me:

“Do you think I’ve been neglecting... you know... my work... and avoiding my clients...just a little?”

“Yes” I replied unhesitatingly, “and A LOT, not just a little.”

(sigh). “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll get right on it.”

Now that’s what I call a true friendship.

The coolest part in all of this (as I rehash once again the importance of an AP) is I know it works.

Now that the dust is settling, the honeymoon period is over. That’s the real test. And we’re still at it.

In a few days, it will be one month since the Six Month Experiment began and the next journal entry will be aimed at tabulating my progress so far in all areas of my life.

The glory is gone, the excitement is waning, but the habits are slowing changing - and hopefully for good.

I once read it takes 21 days to change a habit. In another text, I read it takes 30, and yet another one, 3 months to ensure a permanent transition.

I think it varies. Personally, I believe it takes 21 days to get the momentum going and set a good foundation where you start to see the potential benefits of your new habits.

It then takes four to six weeks to notice positive results.

Three months to feel entrenched enough in your new routines that skipping begins to feel worse than actually sucking it up and doing it even when you don’t feel like it.

Six months to solidify your patterns.

One year to make a permanent life change and tally up drastic positive results in all areas at which time you will never be able to go back to your ‘old ways’ of being.

Time will tell... time tells all... the proof is in the pudding... the end justifies the... no wait, that’s not right... in this case, it’s more like “the means procreates the end”... anyway...

... the book...

I wrote the last chapter this week.

Now that doesn’t mean I finished the book. It means exactly what I said. It means I wrote the last chapter (and now I have to go back and finish the others).

But it FELT like I was DONE when I finished it. And it was the most AMAZING feeling. So much so, that I started quoting Batman while cracking open a bottle of wine to celebrate:

Well, I think this calls for a cup of char at venerable Ireland Yard (says Superintendent Watson in a bad Irish accent).
Robin: Char?
Batman: Yes, Robin, a colloquialism for tea.

I thought I was hysterical, but I think it was the wine which influenced my own self-perception. Although my AP thought I was pretty funny too. She kept saying:

“Isn’t your mom funny?!” to my kids who were quietly watching us and eating their dinner as two grown women shared a bottle of wine and did the happy dance, each one firmly stating the other was the "true comic genius" of the two, possessing enough talent to make a living doing stand-up.

Which leads me to my suggestion this week:

If you’re in the middle of a project and can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, do the last part first (if possible) and then go out and celebrate (or stay in and celebrate - trust me that works too).

This method may actually give you the momentum you need to move forward again.

But it’s all about the feeling. You have to hang on to that feeling. To know what it’s like to complete something. And then hang on to that feeling and use it to your advantage.

It’s all about illusion anyway.

If you think it, you are.

So use it.

...see on the 26th for a one month update...
-----

August 17-18, 2009 - availabilty, knowing your true nature, and taking back control

August 17-18, 2009

In honor of my son’s birthday, there will be no blog today.

Just kidding.

Alright, so I admit it. I’ve been avoiding a number of the elements Jack has lined up in his 7-step-program-to-overhaul-your-life Success Principles. I’m starting to feel like I need to form some sort of AA group for people like me who keep cheating on the program.

I need an accountability mob never mind partner, willing to lynch members with enthusiasm at the slightest infraction. There’s nothing like a little torture to get the ball rolling again.

What is this resistance I suddenly feel towards being a successful person? Why am I feeling so darn heavy?

Ah, frak it. I’ll eat cake and sleep on it. I’ll know in the morning.

***
August 18, 2009

Okay, I slept on it.

I was woken up by my landlord at 7 am. Usually I’m up already but this morning I was lollygagging in bed contemplating what to do with the rest of my life if I couldn’t get this book finished.

Anyway, apparently I did a crappy parking job and the guy beside me couldn’t get in. Nice.

Normally I would be mortified because consideration of others (and their space) is big on my list of what constitutes a good human being. But this guy made last winter miserable for me by having no qualms of parking in such a way that I had to get into my car from the passenger side one too many times. It only stopped after I wrote him a scolding type note.

A scolding type note is different than writing something that says:

“If you keep parking like an asshole, I’m gonna key your door.”

Those never work. It might be what you’re thinking, but they never work.

All that would have done is incite a full-on mental war with this guy.

He would have tested the waters to see how long he could get away with being an asshole until a full confrontation would conveniently occur the morning after he had a big fight with wife.

Knowing this about human nature, I prefer to appeal to one’s sensibilities without being meek and mild about it.

“Hi there. Please be more considerate in your parking habits. You are probably not aware of it, but I am unable to get into my car on any given day and this is causing me a great deal of inconvenience. Once I even hit my head trying to get in because you were too close. Thank-you and have an awesome weekend.”

I always write these things on a Friday because I know they'll go home knowing they can't run into me the next day (and feel angry or embarrassed).

Monday, they can begin again, with a fresh slate. And if they don’t move over enough, I write another note that says:

“Would you mind giving me just 6 more inches? It would make a world of difference. Thanks!” (big smiley face).

And when they finally do it right - a final note:

“I really appreciate your cooperation in this matter. Have a great rest of the summer. Cheers.”

It works every time.

The first note is direct. It’s a thinly disguised way of telling them they can’t park worth a damn (shame) but maybe they didn’t know it (benefit of the doubt). That they have made life uncomfortable for another human being (guilt), and I hit my head because of them (threat - because if it happens one more time, I’m calling either a tow truck or their mother).

Then comes the polite follow up note if they move over, but not enough. Chances are they will acquiesce to your second request because by moving over in the first place, they are in fact, admitting guilt.

So there it was this morning. A slight inconvenience for the original parking perpetrator. And I didn’t even have to move my car.

My landlord (who loves me) took my keys from me and said:

“He can move it himself. I’ll bring back your keys. So sorry for disturbing you”.

“On the contrary Roberto. Sorry for the inconvenience to you, my friend.”

With that little morning scenario pleasantly behind me, I made tea secretly hoping that when he turned the car on, one of my kids had left the hard rock station on full blast.

And now, I think I can work.

***
After tea and contemplation, I figured out what the problem was with regard to this haze I had been feeling for the last three days.

I had lost control and forgotten my true nature.

I went too far down the rabbit hole. I felt like Alice in La-La Land.

It’s like Cesar Millan (the Dog Whisperer) says about the animals he rehabilitates:

You must honor a dog’s true nature in order for it to be happy. Every dog must fulfill what it was meant to do and follow its true nature.

I love Cesar.

Following Cesar’s philosophy is like having my own personal kung-fu master. All I have to do is put "Dear grasshopper" in front of every sentence that comes out of his mouth and I'm good to go.

Here's how it works.

A dog is happy serving, behaving in a capacity that his genetic predisposition requires (guard dog, sheep herder, etc.) and following a pack leader it respects (the owner) for balance and security.

My true nature is to be light-hearted and find joy in most everything - and to get to a common sense truth about things.

When I get too serious, I get bummed out and then I can’t fulfill my destiny (which is to write humorously and share what I see with others in the hopes that it may benefit them as well).

I am also happiest when organized, facing what needs to be done head on, and accomplishing all the things I have written on my list.

And I am miserable when I procrastinate and cannot enjoy myself unless I have tackled the largest goal on my daily list FIRST.

This method is also recommended by Jack, who refers to a guy by the name of Brian Tracy (who himself wrote a book called Eat That Frog! 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time). Just identify one to five things you want to accomplish every day. And attack the biggest (and ugliest) one first.

It’s not about taking the path of least resistance, it’s about getting what he calls, the ugliest frog out of the way first to make breathing room for the rest. This sets the tone for the rest of the day. And he’s right.

For most of us, it’s dealing with the little things - making those unwanted calls, paying bills, looking at and figuring out your budget for the next month, etc.
And I discovered when I did this stuff first thing in the morning, I was less inclined to procrastinate on the rest.

It’s like cleaning your closet and making room for new clothes! So that’s what I did. I made those phone calls, did some banking online, looked at my budget, set up my subbing profile and felt GREAT.

I was no longer in the rabbit hole. With this new lightness of being, (and my humor back intact - thanks in part to my morning incident), I could see the world once again through fresh eyes.

Why? Because I became my own pack leader.

And then, I wrote an email where I had to set up a meeting and did not offer up my time freely - I now have parameters of availability that show self-respect. I did not offer a myriad of options, I did not haggle, I have no desire to haggle and I have no time to haggle.

“I have one hour on Friday to meet anytime after noon, but preferably over the lunch hour. Otherwise, it’ll be a while before I can reschedule.”

And I truly meant it.

Mind you, this was something where if I couldn’t make it, I wasn’t going to lose out (frankly I could care less) so I wasn’t playing risky hard ball, but man, did it feel good! I recommend using this method in areas where you don’t have a whole lot to risk losing. It's great practice.

And the pay off is, once people get the idea that you’re not always readily available, you go from an ‘average in importance’ category to a ‘her time is valuable so be prepared to make good on whatever time you can get her’ category.

And that ROCKS.

I feel like a new woman. I am the pack leader. I determine where I go, with whom I spent time with and for how long. I make no apologies for it because honey look out! I’m in a program to rehabilitate myself of old, worn out habits even if it kills me.

Thanks be to God. Amen.

On that note, I hereby declare that I will be posting twice a week from now on so I can actually get some work done in the ‘real world'.

Thanks for tuning in. Over and out.

August 14-15 ENTRIES

August 13, 2009 - Excuses are so yesterday.

I am off my writing schedule because I've been too busy with…

Damn. I just busted myself making excuses.

Let's try that one more time shall we?

I am off my writing schedule. Period. I have no excuses since the time I waste on the Internet doing market research for a book THAT ISN’T EVEN FINISHED YET would be better spent finishing the book. Period. If this were the middle ages and I was an undisciplined monk I would be summarily whipped. Period. Or cracked over the back with a bamboo pole if I were a Buddhist monk in Tibet. Period. Are you enlightened now monky boy?

And if this were the Wild West, that message would be a telegraph. Stop.

I am blogged down with more excuses than a white collar criminal. This madness has to end.

However, in spite of this self-abnegation I am making strides. It’s just that when I’m steeped in the research end of it, it doesn’t feel like I’m working because I’m printing, reading and highlighting - not writing. It’s terribly deceiving and a largely inaccurate view of my actual progression. Then suddenly one day, BLAM! POW! Just like in the old Batman show - everything comes to a head and it’s DONE. And I say “Holy novel batman, how did that happen?”

Voila! (Or as my Anglo-Saxon friends say, Walla).

I just wish that day was tomorrow because I feel like a liar. Here I am, making a commitment to the universe - for all the world to witness (or at least whoever reads the blog) - and I can’t even get past my own set-point.

Frankly it’s kind of embarrassing. (At least it would be if I were prone to be embarrassed).

So… while I keep working… I will post PART II of Chapter 6 manyana.

August 15, 2009 - a little blurb, the day inbetween and CHAPTER 6

I realize I’m off my blog sched but does anyone really want to hear about what’s going on in my life every single day?
Suffice it to say since I have made you all my accountability partners in crime you will, (whether you like it or not) get an update on my progress.

So here’s that list for yesterday:

1. I finished one big section of chapter 1 (3 of 4 sections are now complete). All stats were derived by rummaging through a whack of ezines I receive regularly on the business end of Internet dating. Mucho interesante but overwhelming to sort through and pull together in some sort of tangible format. But it’s done. And you know what I learned? The Brits love Internet dating.

2. I went to the gym. Against my will. Every fibre of my being fought it. Yesterday, I admit I hated every second of it. And you know how everybody says, “yeah, but once you’re done you’ll feel great and be happy you did it”? That’s not true. I felt just as crappy afterwards as I did before. And I regret going. Okay, maybe that part isn’t true, but I was miserable on that treadmill and God help anyone who tried to make polite conversation. But that didn’t seem to be a problem as I was projecting evil and therefore had a clear space all around me the whole time I was there. It was perfect.

3. I picked up the little silver car I talked about way back in an earlier blog. I am now the proud owner of a less old, older vehicle. Instead of it being old as dirt, it’s as old as pebbles. I love it. And it has a cd player in it so now I can blast whatever music I want, devoid of radio commercials. But what I mostly feel is relief. Now I can take various jobs this fall without worrying about whether I will get there or not. When the guy I bought it from asked me:

“What are you looking for?”

I said, “I don’t care, as long as I can drive it to California and not worry about breaking down where some redneck can get to me.”

Without blinking, he said, “I’d say you have an 80% chance of making it with this little silver one.”

“I’ll take it.”

4. I took the night off writing. Not because I wanted to, but doing the tennis balls thing on my back took precedent. I write with a cynical edge when I have a headache. Not good. Health first.

And now, here’s the next part of Chapter 6 as promised....

PART II - WHAT THE EXPERTS HAVE TO SAY

Though you may think ignorance is bliss when it comes to love, trust me, knowledge is power. All of the extremely useful information for this chapter was derived from two social psych textbooks: David G. Myers & Steven J Spencer’s Social Psychology – with specific information derived from a chapter entitled Attraction and Intimacy: Liking and loving others, and An Introduction to Theories of Personality by B.R. Hergenhahn & Matthew H. Olson and its chapter on Sex Differences: Mating Strategies.

Disclaimer: please keep in mind that any correlation I have made between attraction in the ‘real world’ as described in the above texts and its application to cyberspace is strictly based on my own observations. Anyone who cares to call me incompetent regarding such observations is free to either challenge me to a duel or send comments void of profanity to cyberlovemuse@hotmail.com.

***

CHEMISTRY
Our genes predispose us to like the opposite sex for certain attributes.

Men prefer rosy-cheeked fertile-looking women and women prefer men who can support and protect their future children.

While this sounds like a black and white proposition that eliminates virtually everyone who isn’t virile and rich or fertile and healthy, that isn’t what bothered me the most when I first read about it. What bothered me was that it completely ignored any romantic notion of true love because it’s simply based on what’s good for the continuation of our species.

How very scientific. Nothing could piss me off more.

But how this translates via Internet dating is this: our genes predispose us to be attracted to and contact someone if they appear to possess the above attributes. And that’s okay. As a matter of fact, it’s great. Remember, in this chapter we’re just trying to establish the things that will get us out of the gate faster and eliminate some faux-pas along the way to sustain that initial attraction long enough to go out on a first date. And social-psych research just gave us a clue on how to do that.

The above information is great fodder for setting up effective profiles (which we’ll get to later). And there is good news for those cursing me under their breath while wiping their eyes because I just mopped the floor of their fairytale castle using Darwin’s theory of social evolution.

After contact is initiated and a relationship has begun, beauty really does lie in the eyes of the beholder. In other words, the more a man loves his mate, the more he think she’s the cat’s meow and no one, not even Raquel Welch herself wearing that animal skin bikini in One Million Years B.C. will turn him on more. His attraction to others diminishes as the love for his gal grows. The same is true of women in love. The more she loves her guy, the more attractive he becomes and the less so, other men. Either love is blind or it has blinders on. But that usually occurs later, when you’ve both used the L word at least twice and meant it.

In the meantime, if you want to increase your chances of finding that special someone with whom there will be mutual attraction, concentrate on presenting the above attributes in your profile and then look in the mirror. Attraction also lies in your own reflection (or some facsimile thereof).

We are most attracted to those with whom we resonate physically or who have similar physical characteristics. And they will also be more comfortable being attracted to us. At least initially. This is known as the matching phenomenon – to be attracted to someone whose facial features are similar to ours is natural. It’s the feeling of familiarity that comforts us.

What does this mean? If you’re an average Joe (like most of us), unless you have oodles of security to offer a woman (and are willing to admit to yourself that you may be exchanging security for beauty - nothing wrong with a barter system according to our genetic predisposition), chances are you will achieve greater online success by addressing profiles of women who most closely reflect your level of attraction. Research shows that just as love sees loveliness, like attracts like.

I can practically feel you getting all offended. Don’t. Before you start thinking I’m yanking your chain or shooting down your dream of dating your polar opposite all I’m saying is like generally attracts like because it’s more comfortable with it. And if you still don’t believe me, check this out.

Did you know:
- More people named Virginia are likely to move to that state. And Virginia Beach has a “disproportionate number” of people who share that name.
- More people move to Georgia named Georgia than any other state. And people there are more likely to name their children George or Georgia!
- Philadelphia has 10 times as many people named Philip.
- Jacksonville has twice as many people named Jack.
- California has more people with last names that begin with Cali. In Toronto, it’s Tor.
- St. Louis has almost fifty percent more people named Louis than anywhere else in the U.S.
- If your last name is Rock, Park, Hill, Beach, or Lake you might just pick a city or street that has your name in it like Hillside, or Park City.

And that’s nothing. The same goes for careers:
- More women named Denise and men name Dennis are dentists as opposed to people with names that are just as common.
- More Georges and Geoffreys are geologist, geophysicists and geochemists.

And the kicker...
-More people whose last names start with B contributed to the Bush campaign over giving money to Gore. And G people gave to Gore.

It’s called ego-based preference.

I think this is great. As far as I’m concerned it means we all genuinely like ourselves deep down inside. Otherwise we would gravitate towards the opposite.

I’m not saying there aren’t tons of exceptions to the rule - my dentist’s name is Christine. But research shows that human beings are comfortable with and attuned to people with whom on some level, they have things in common (looks, similar hobbies, values, etc). But the most obvious, is looks.

I am the first to admit (and personally experienced) attraction to people for a plethora of reasons beyond the physical (none of them had anything remotely in common with each other physically). Nothing - and I mean nothing if you’d seen some of my choices - can be explained logically unless you want to explore the possibility of past life connections or personality clicks that feel so right nothing else matters, or even charm that makes one feel so warm and fuzzy inside we no longer notice the ginormous nose behind the poetry.

All I’m saying is if you are in the process of exploring your options online, you will meet with greater success (and more favourable responses to your emails) if you keep the above social observations in mind. And it has nothing to do with self-esteem or insecurity. Familiarity simply breeds comfort and therefore attraction.

Lesson Learned: When setting up a profile use the above research information to put your best foot forward. Women? Look healthy and write like you are - mentally and physically; Men? have your act together - be confident. And both parties? Look for complimentary physical ‘matches’. You may find your odds of finding someone compatible will increase.

And remember, it’s not set in stone. It’s just a start.

***
Stay tuned for: BEYOND CHEMISTRY - coming soon in next week's blog

August 13, 2007 - Difficult Decisions and Taking Control

Yesterday I was faced with many difficult choices.

1. I could either eat perogies or choose a salad. I had both. But I did it using a logic so simple that it made my choice kosher even though it contained evil carbs.

I once read that if all you did was make sure 80% of your plate had high water content foods (or more), every meal would be nutritionally sound forever and you would never have to diet.

Just look at your plate and pretend it’s a clock. Then think ten o’clock. Your denser foods have to fit between those two hands. Simple.

Think about it. Tiny steak, big salad or... small piece of garlic bread, one spaghetti noodle, big salad or... two perogies, big salad! (And it doesn’t always have to be salad, I’m just not feeling creative).

And the reasoning behind it goes something like this:

If your body is 80% water, then the food you put in it should also be 80% water. Makes sense to me. But then again I’m not a nutritionist. I’m just lazy and this is easy to follow.

But no matter how many ways you try and apply this rule in such a way that you don’t break it but still cheat, you can’t (and trust me I’ve tried) because you have to use a regular sized plate.

And it works. So I’ll give it a shot because it takes virtually no planning and now I don’t have to figure out how to make a sandwich between two pieces of romaine lettuce. That always makes such a mess.

FYI - alcohol-based bevvies do NOT qualify as high-water content foods even if mixed with lemonade. Which brings me to my next dilemma...

2. I could either go to the gym or drink Mojitos with my stepmom. This was a much more difficult choice.

I knew I couldn’t do both because once I had a couple of Mojitos I wouldn’t feel like going the gym. I’d spend the afternoon reminiscing my favourite episodes of The Dog Whisperer, while dissecting his wisdom. Then I’d ponder how I could apply his methods in my future dealings with difficult human beings all the while wishing there was someone around I could practice on.

So I went to the gym.

In terms of difficulty (the decision, not the workout), I’d say it ranked as high as the concert at Woodstock. The workout itself? - about as hard as a soft-boiled egg.

But I was pleased.

I pranced around on that treadmill like I had more discipline than a Catholic priest at a camp for boys.

Wait, that’s not a good example.

Whatever.

The point is I made the right decision. And for the first time, I actually based the choice on whether it was going to move me forward or set me back in my goals.

It’s all about building self-esteem so you feel like you’ve earned the right to be whatever you want, no holds barred. The irony being of course, that no one has to earn that right, they are born with it.

But I’m not there yet. I still have a lot of work to do in that respect.

So when I falter, I can live with it but frankly, I just don’t want to anymore. And that, was a breakthrough.

As for that chapter I was suppose to finish...
-----